stress?

Okay guys,

I KNOW that I signed up for this job, I know that these are my responsibilities, I know that I shouldn't be complaining or anything.

But sometimes I just need to unload, okay?

This job is infinitely harder than it looks...

I'm so busy trying to be efficient and get you processed as quickly as possible that I do not have time for niceties, to talk and say, hi, how are you doing, how was your day? I'm sorry, but I cannot cater to your needs. I do not know whether or not you have checked your facebook since the night before, so I do not know if you got my message about bringing money or not. So just in case, I'll remind you again - THERE IS NO REASON TO CALL ME A NAZI. You hurt my feelings.. I am just trying to do my job as uniform manager.

Maybe I do come off as contemptuous/annoyed during uniform fittings. But if you see me that way, can you tell me? I'll try to loosen up if you do. As uniform manager, I de-personalize myself during the job. I will not make an effort to be nice - it takes up too much energy. It's just: "Hi. What's your size? Okay, go try on uniform __." I got tired of telling people nicely to check their sizes or go see Mr. England, so I point instead. Is that alright with you? Is that too rude? Well, too bad. If you would just read the signs we have up around the bandroom, I wouldn't need to point and you wouldn't think I was rude. So if it's all the same to you, please follow directions. Read everything thoroughly. Isn't this what they teach you in school?

It really is a catch-22..

In order to do my job properly, I have to bug people so they'll remember to do things.

If I bug people, they will become annoyed and uncooperative, hindering me from doing my job properly.

But you know, no matter how much I bug people, there is ALWAYS someone who refuses to show up. So for me, there is only one solution - bug people more frequently.

I'm afraid that I'm starting to lose my friends... after spending so much time away, devoted to band, I wonder, is it really worth it? Most everyone can tell I'm stressed these days, and you know what? Maybe I am. I dare you to shadow me for a day and see how much work goes into this entire uniform fitting business - and you know, I'm not getting paid. I'm not getting any recognition. I'm not getting ANYTHING out of this - except knowing that the band will run smoother because of me. It's almost worth it.. I still don't know. But what I signed up for, I will follow through on - I'm not one to break promises.

Anyways, please cut me some slack.

Thanks.

Managing

Sigh, the last few days have been super tiring.. Being the uniform manager is not all it's cracked up to be. I swear I put in more hours to band than anyone, except for Mr. England and our esteemed drum major, Katti =)

This week I'm not going to have a lot of time to do homework etc. cause of fittings and all.. I'll be at school until 5 everyday, if not later.. At least this whole business will be done after parade season! :D

I do enjoy my job though, don't get me wrong. I like knowing that I single-handedly make a difference in helping everything run smoothly, to make everything easier on Mr. England and Katti at least - goodness knows they have too much to do as it is.

But until then.. ASDLFJ;LAKDSJFLA! Good-bye, energy. See you after winter break! :(

by the way, UNIFORM FITTINGS are tomorrow - friday, 3-5!

Be there.

It's mandatory.

You have no choice.

PUNCH

I was just thinking about the reasons why I punch walls/pillars/whatever is hard at hand,

and it comes down to a couple of reasons.

1. I am upset at someone else.

2. I am upset at myself.

This boils down to

I am upset.

SO DON'T MAKE ME UPSET.

I guess punching walls just relieves all the jumbled-up emotions I have within myself, if only temporarily. It allows me to focus on something else for a moment, to calm down and analyze my situation without it being the first and foremost thing on my mind.

There's only been a handful of situations in my life where I actually have punched walls...

Here, I'll list them for you.

1. DC '09. Upset by the fact that Deborah Park + etc. were just being so UGH. Okay you can look at archives for further details.

2. Post-DC '09. Upset at Alice Lee for the way she treated me during DC.

3. Basketball Season '10. Upset at myself for not doing better during practice, thus garnering the attention of Coach White which resulted in lots of yellings and an unhappy me (part of why I quit basketball)

4. Friend Fiasco '10. Upset at myself for being so damn stupid and insensitive and almost losing a highly valued friend in the process.

5. Marching Mishaps '10. Band Camp disaster. Upset at myself for failing so epically.

So you can see a trend in which slowly focusing away from others as the problem and toward myself as being the problem, hooray! Which is... better? Worse? I don't know! You tell me =)

I really need to find another outlet though lolol.

My knuckles are toughening up and it doesn't really relieve stress anymore :(

Emotions?

"If I know I feel it, that's what counts. Don't you ever look at someone who's hysterical in public and wonder if it's because they really feel miserable or because they want others to know they're miserable? It kind of dilutes the emotion if you display it for the whole world to see. Makes it less pure."

-Jacob, House Rules by Jodi Picoult.

Thoughts like that have passed through my mind every once in a while - do you really love your significant other THAT much that you have to snuggle and cuddle in plain view of everyone else? Or are you just marking your territory? And also those people who cry in class day after day - are you really that sad, or do you just want to draw others' sympathy and attention? Ridiculous, if you ask me.

OH OH AND BY THE WAY!

The oh so wonderfully gifted and talented JANE LUI is releasing her third album on OCTOBER 5, 2010 on her website, JANELUI.COM for.... FREE

I don't quite believe it, but I guess we'll all find out on October 5th.

I'M SO EXCITED :D

(I also pre-ordered Clara C's new album yesterday, hehe)