dead day

YAHHH.
by this time of night,
when I finally make time to blog
I forget what I initially wanted to blog about.
well, today was dead day for asb people.
muy interesante.
got to shoot some hoops in educacion fisica
err. have breik and espanol examen manana
not that worried.
I should do fine. finished my patriots pen essay.
that was good.
found my pe shoes. (:
that was nice too!
talked with katti between classes
oh yeah! in spanish, it was kinda weird.
cause like, we had clock partner. but apparently sunny put down herself for both me and eric nguyen at six.
so I was like. w/e. and I went to talk with katti and andrewro. (:
it was more fun than it would've been anyways.
scored nachos! (mexican bingo) lucky lucky numbers :D
also got that plushie ball for participacion. threw it to katti. you should be thankful. :P
and the more I talk to her, the more I realize that serin's just like I am.
she talks. it's just that,
she's not as loud. so it's kinda weird, but she does talk!
talked with lilith too about stuff. 35 minutes of free time in la clase de historia.
okay!
tengo que sleep-o, porque esta muy cansada?
did I say that right?
yeah that's it. well, my essay is on facebook. it's a note.
but if you guys don't have facebook. here it is!


-->

Why America’s Veterans Should Be Honored

War does not appear to affect everyone personally, but it is present in almost every aspect of everyday life – it appears in the news, in the classrooms, and within heated debates. However, here in America, most people do not understand the actuality of war.  John McCain once said, “War is wretched beyond description, and only a fool or a fraud could sentimentalize its cruel reality.” War is obviously a distressing subject, so most of us disregard or even completely ignore it. Death is always tragic – even so, a soldier must face it in order to fight for freedom. America’s veterans should be honored for their readiness to lose their lives fighting for the freedom of their own country and for the sake of other nations.

            Despite its name, freedom comes at a great price of human lives. The soldiers who fight in foreign wars make the ultimate sacrifices of all that they hold dear for another’s rights to freedom. They give up the comforts of home and put themselves in danger of death’s merciless hands.  When these soldiers finally come home, some lose their psychological health, still traumatized by the torture they endured. Those at war face the fact that death is inevitable upon the battlefield and choose to fight on nevertheless. Nothing is more honorable than a man who lays down his life for another.

A Chinese proverb explains, “When eating bamboo sprouts, remember the man who planted them.” Like the proverb, we must keep in mind that the American society of tolerance and freedom we enjoy today was sown with our army’s sacrifices. We need to remember and recognize those soldiers and veterans that fought for us and are still fighting now. Why do soldiers decide to join the military to start with? It may be monetary reasons for college, or to make something of themselves, but mostly because they are dutiful people who find it in themselves to serve our country. They fight so that people worldwide might have the rights all are entitled to – life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

            When one thinks of heroism, often times images of Marvel’s superheroes spring to the mind – Superman, Spider-man, or Captain America. In reality, heroes are those who simply demonstrate courage and the willingness for self-sacrifice for a greater good in the midst of danger. And that is what defines America’s veterans: they are our heroes.

carm vs whitney

oh that's right!
forgot to talk about carm vs. whitney game
we lost both.
but hey, I got to see everyone.
they still remember me. I'm happy. (:
agnes; jenfur hwang; sylvia; amy;
those cute kids. (:
OH YEAH MY SHOES GOT JACKED.
yeah that's it.

dying young

these days, I've become more and more obsessed with the idea of dying.
I wonder. what would it be like, if I died young?
would people come to my funeral? would they remember me at school, at church?
would they still think of me from time to time?
do I make a difference in this world?
it makes me wonder.
and then I wonder, would I want to die slow?
be diagnosed with a fatal disease and live knowing my days are numbered,
but to be able to talk to all my friends,
to be able to tell them everything I've wanted to say without fear of consequences
or would I want to die sudden?
to not fear my impending death, but to go out in a flash of glory
not to be remembered as that sickly invalid but as someone active, loud, fun, spontaneous.
I don't know. it's a troubling question.
but I'm not afraid to die.
I'm just afraid I'll die before I've told everyone what they need to hear.
one of these days, I think I'll make a blog dedicated to those that matter most in my life.
and write posts just for specific people, just to tell them what I think they need to hear from me,
and my words to them.
something for them to remember me by. actually, I think I'll do that soon.
that's a good idea.
I'll link it to this blog. two blogs though: one for church, one for school.
I'll do it sometime soon. (:
because you guys matter a lot to me! and even when we grow apart,
you'll still have this to look back on and reflect.

ANYWAYS. my day was umm. alright!
crazy schedule, but whatever. inspirational assembly was heckuva crazy good.
sat with pauline and priya.
cool science experiment! fire and matches and acid and poot! ing sounds
in breik I listened to some of em's oldie music on her CD player
also, I got in some really good bonding time today with celine.
we walked to carm and back together.
and just talked. she's really nice, y'know. pretty too! XD
it's just nice to have one on one time with people every once in a while.
I got some nice conversations with katti too, after we came back.
she's cool. and yeah. I need to do my work. bye!
haha me and alice had this discussion.

conversations

today was tight man!
cause like, in spanish and stuff
me and dolores volunteered to do "theater"
in front of the class
after our clock partner activity.
so we went up there.
....and we had NO idea what to talk about.
cause we didn't really do the activity.
we screwed around. XD
ahha anyways, the only part we got to was.
"escuchas mucho en la clase de espanol?"
so I said that.
and dolores was like. "si...!"
and then I thought, well, it's never bad to compliment the teacher.
so I asked.
"te gusta la profesora de espanol?"
and she's like. "si...!"
XD then I said, tambien!
iono something happened.
I said tambien again.
katti got fed up with my poor spanish I skills.
and she's like stage whispering, "yo tambien...!"
so I'm like. OH. YO TAMBIEN! SI!!!
dolores: muchos gracias
me: muchos gracias. isabella es muy bonita!!!!
dolores: si!!!!
lol we were so off topic. but hey, it was cool.
got double points too cause it was a "real" conversation.
I mean, who talks about what time your classes are?
and what you do in them? lol.
katti tried to get a point cause she was techinically "part"
of our conversation. an inspiration, one could say.
hahahha nice try.

baillie was tight, cause like.
we were here subjects for her masters degree
she had to film students simulating something
so we were doing holocaust and jews and whatnot
me and alice were kapos! yay us! :D
it was fun, mann.
watched more of the great escape.

not much more to say about the day.
got park to edit my essay. that was cool.
got a REALLY cool picture of a dragon from michelle lee.
she be pro, man!
and uhh. shot some hoops for fun. it's pretty satisfying.
talked a bit with that scrub, michelle.
I wanna be to her like the eighth graders were to me last year!
just hope I can be as cool. XD jk.

I also talked a lot with raymond ku today.
about a lot of stuff. he's not that bad of a person.
he's nice. I can relate to him about stuff,
like  his piano is to my academics. ahhaha
we were like rating all the girls in his grade
by looks. yeah it's shallow, but it was fun.
pauline, you won. from what we got to so far. XD
teachers = park, then el moussa, brice, collins.
haha raymond's gonna use that to get on park's good side. (:
and as for me, park TOTALLY loves me. <3
it's also interesting to fnd out how people see me.
cause sayoni and andrewro see me as a happy person
and I guess I am that. I do smile a lot.
hehehehe. i got a question to ask you guys though
honestly, do you think I'm better liked than julian in your grade?
because he's always like "I have no friends."
so I dunno.

days

gosh "k tree" <- freaky giant person.
seriously! >______>
comps next week. I'm not stressing yet, though.
can't let those white hairs/pimples get to me! :D
hmm I was talking with person1 today,
and person1 was like yeah. I really wanna hang out with you guys,
but since person2 isn't real comfortable in a group setting.
[note: person1 knows person2 really well. bestfriend-ish?]
I feel like I don't get any time with you guys anymore.
I was gonna talk with person2 about it, but person1 didn't want me to.
it's okay. I'll find out anyways. (:
cause we can't let person2 steal person1 from us!
even though persons1&2 are both awesome people.

not much today, pretty boring actually.
got a kayaking demo. not gonna do it though, for pe.
I don't wanna walk to cpe and back! D:
they let us out really late. >___>
so yeah, I raised 154 dollars in total! yayyy
also me and johnny got one for _______
secret though! it's perfect, what it says. no liee. (:
yeah I forgot what I was gonna say.
if I remember. I'll add? ahha.

300

museum of tolerance was GREAT.
honestly.
and it's the first time I've actually held a conversation with serin in real life.
she talks. she really does. (:
our group won for the quiz! got a pencil, but I think I lost it.
oh wells.
also like bonded with a couple of sophomores
frances &samir were our chaperones (:
talked to michael kim on the bus.
pretty cool people, no?

senora barry rejected my mexican beer names.

and oh goodness.
hoc people.
cat. jackie. b-fly.
you guys seriously made my day.
you guys seriously made my week, actually.
no joke.
I was so happy, man.
cause you guys really do mean a lot to me.
thanks for coming <3
maybe I'm "mean"to you guys
but you know I love you! :D
despite the tackles and the punches.
I love you guys.
I really do. (:
come back soon! I'll be waiting.

------------------------------edit
OMGSH THIS IS 300TH POST.
IT MUST BE FATE.

spanish

science is pretty fun.
we make fun of jasmine, me and alijah.
cause she looks at the clock every minute.
seriously. at most, two minutes. XD
freaking hilarious.
verrett is always ehhhhh.
her voice is like JSKLD;FAJSJFDASD
not worse than the ram____wick twins. but getting there.
and the way she sucks her water bottle.
and how we waste time with channel one.
gah!
barry = she called on me twice!
but that was gay cause we had a partner activity,
and she thought I was with leondra
so she called on me for that >___>
and then I was with pedro, so she didn't use me anymore.
GOSH. THAT'S MESSED UP. YOU DON'T CHANGE YOUR MIND CAUSE OF WHO I'M A PARTNER WITH.
stupid leondra. stealing my participacion.
I kinda wanted to cry. cause I like to cry. (:
but I didn't.
baillie was. ehhh. but I'm realizing more and more that,
I'm not really gonna be as close a friend with _____ as I'd want to be.
cause _____'s always talking to her other friends.
and I realize I can't compare. it's okay though...
sold more keychains! :D
pe = ehhhh. one of the ram____wick twins is freaking bi man
cause he was all like hugging me when he tried to pull my flag
and then he did the same to fernie.
sexual harassment - -xx
breik = found out who ____'s lover is. XD
pwahahha.

student showcase

student showcase = pwnage
felt sorry for halah
but whatever.
yeah. last act with bunch of seniors was awesome
zach, ronnie, kimmy, jan, tiffany, maria bolanos
crazy man!
emilyh and brianlee was good
so was jesspark and josh
and everyone else that went. (:
haha me and angel planned out thsi whole skit
for faculty follies. XD
with crissman, park, collins, joe, ednoff, dalley, tseng, torres.
pwahahha!
we were also talking about pretty teachers. (:
for me, I rank my teachers like thsi:
park >collins >torres
hehe yeah. boring day, for the most part.
finished selena. she died. how sad >___>
goodness!
helped pull out bleachers.
oh and good job volleyball!
middle & high
for winning today. (:
BOO FEDDE AND OXFORD.
hehehhe. and remember guys,
tomorrow is the last day you can buy keychains!

days

science is pretty fun these days,
especially with my table.
me and alijah were just watching andre play ds under the table XD
and there was this cool heat color thing!
verrett = mehh. but I'm happy that my friendship with ______ is all patched up now.
it makes me happy. (:
barry = SELENA SELENA SELENA.
yay go j-lo! stupid yolanda lady came out though.
she fuglyyyy. (:
baillie = great escape! yay (:
it's a pretty cool movie. we have it, and I think I watched it before XD
lunch = animal planet meeting.
it was alright I guess. talked with christine castillo w/ emilyliang and annie afterwards.
then stopped by collins for karen. talked to her, too.
pe = cool cool. 62-12. ahhah. we're just too pwnage ;D
at the end, my day kinda started going downhill. but that's more in breik.
breik = _____ was really emo =/
me and kevin chon got really worried,
we thought maybe ____ was just tired, but _____ didn't even talk.
so we worried ><
and I tried my hardest to cheer ______ up! but nothing worked.
I hope you feel better though! (:

EVERYONE BUY KEYCHAINS FROM ME.

football

blargh.
football = muy intense-o.
blitzing and all. it's like..
OMGSH TONY DAI NO NO NO
cause our team is always ahead,
by 10+ points so tony like blitzes and it's like
ajsfl;weirua;j
yeah. but today I blitzed serin!
got past tony, miraculously
but by then she had run the other way
so all I see on the field is serin
and BAM! I run into alice.
totally tackled her. XD
it's cool, cause that was a nice block.
I think we won...16-0? something like that.
it's always fun playing against alice's team.

switched seats in science!
I'm pretty cool with my seat.
cause here's how it's looking
(I'm in the left back corner btw)
jasmine fernie andre tonya
me alijah amykim priyanka
not bad, not bad. alijah's pretty cool.
today we melted mothballs!
then, when they cooled down we left teh thermometer in
and it got stuck
hehehe (:

sold a bunch of keychains! yay. imuna make lots and lots of money
also I gotta get jessliu to design our dc shirt. (:
can't let that sheila steal all the glory!
yeah
I'm having some nice convos with people these days.
tried to convince katti to buy a keychain.
and failed miserably XD
anyone wanna buy a keychain? (:

OMGOSH I PUT A TITLE.

goodness. I haven't posted about my weekend at all.
well this is gonna make up for everything
and then I'm gonna shower, alright?
so. happy birthday ellie!
friday didn't go to church - no ride.

saturday - omgoodness freaking fun!
played at park! :D then whole bunc hseniors came,
for andrew liang cause his bday be on tuesday.
they played with us (:
there was zach, ronnie, dianna, liz wang (victoria's sis), thomas, andrew park, frances, and couple of indians.
lol I don't know them.
but it was coo! cause I ddin't know that liz was victoria's sis. it was after I looked at her more closely,
and then I'm thinking. wow she looks really familiar.
and then I'm thinking. victoria has a sister that's a senior.
and then I'm thinking. they give off the same feeling.
so all of these thoughts added together = person is victoria's sister!
and I was right. cause I asked her, but I checked with andrew liang first just in case.
didn't wanna make a fool of myself after all. XD
introduced myself to a couple of em, haha.
hope they come back! :D
they're pretty cool. played capture the flag, and our team was pwnage.
cause we ahd thomas. pwahahah!
but  I got to pull couple people's flags, like brian wang and tony (:
oh and! our team names. LOL they're so funny.
team 1 (that's us)
YES. and our cheer was like, let's do the fork in the garbage disposal. DING DING DING DING DING.
hahaha (: from the yes dance, if you didn't get the reference.
youtube it.
team 2
度奶 - poison milk. their cheer was like. poison milk! and then live forever? in chinese though
ahahha it was pretty interesting,
cause zach was on that team and he's pretty darn white. XD
team 3
CHICKEN FATTY!!! ahahahah so hilarious
what they did for their cheer was shake their arms
so all the fat jiggled. XD
you shoulda been there.
but yeah, fun fun fun.
at night we headed over to my place.
made up skits. (the seniors went away after capture the flag)
haha tyree walks on water!
and olivia's chocolate milk craving.
and out pwnage professor (eric huang)
plus the gorgeous hippie invisible angel (yvonne)
then me and ting and wee watched wanted.
pretty good movie. (:
church = okay. had some good talks about abortion and homosexuality.
drew my spanish project!
and now I gotta shower.
see you guys tmrw (:

AJSDFKL;ASJD;FJKASD;LFJKASD
STUPID VERRETT ESSAY.
but really, thanks a lot to y'all who have so kindly agreed to read my essay.
and contribute your two bits.
if I get any money, I'll give you guys some XD

shout out to:

SYLVIA TRAN.

KATTI HORNG.

JENNY RYOO.

KEVIN CHI.

all of 'em fabulous writers, seriously.

you guys have completely different styles XD

I'm reading your comments, and I"m like. whoa.

so different.

but I liked katti's style, cause it was the most like mine (:

hehe. her and her "juicy" essays. pwahhaha!

I think I'll end up writing like katti in a couple of years.

hung out with pauline and the gahr kid at the library.

we talked.

he's pretty cool. (:

school was alright.

science = ehhhh.

espanol = so-so.

pe = cut my hand on that dude's braces.

okay I gotta sleep (:

see ya guys at school tmrw!

yesterday:
dressed really nicely for holocast speaker.
lol everyone complimented me
felt nice (:
some people said I looked like baillie too
uhh...that's kinda weird haha
I guess sorta
with the black pants, black shoes, purple top.
hahahah.
played alice's team yesterday too
freaking hard. but it was fun. (:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_mutism

wouldn't it suck if you had that?
I think it would.
I'm really satisfied right now though,
becuase I had a really long and deep conversation with _______
and even though I didn't get any studying done,
I feel like I did the right thing. (:

below is my thoughtful post for the day.
hahahha
but today was actually pretty good!
got 5 freaking participation points :D
so crazy! loved it. I was on a roll.
now, I just have to hope that everyone in the class gets 2 points....
then it'll totally make up for me not being there.
><
thanks michelle for editing my essay at lunch btw (:
pe was pretty tough.
sathwick + ruthwick's team.
victor is so INTENSE. he's like >:o
all the time. and I try to block him, but it's so hard..
also like I was trying to sack ruthwick,
cause he was qb. but then he threw the ball. and a turned to try not crashing into him
and then I fell on my butt.
but it's like the kind where you sit down expecting to find a chair
but someone pulls it out so you fall really really hard.
yeah taht kind. >___> so my head hurt for the rest of the day.
haha in breik, we had a pretty chill sub.
anyways. emily left to go to the restroom right?
and she leaves the door open.
so priya, being the genius that she is,
decides to kick the door shut.
with her foot that only has a sandal on it.
so she does it. and then we hear,
OWWWWW.
apparently she broke her toenail XD
pretty gruesome, mannn.
so then we waited for emily to come back,
and when she did I was like IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT :D
and she's like O___O
then she said,
"yeah..I was thinking about closing the door, but then I thought. nah! so I left it open."
so see! it was her fault.
we waited for her forever cause she had band-aids.
haha and the whole period priya was complaining about walking home where there's a sex offender.
hahahaha (:

I feel like I've made a bunch of new friends this school year.
it's only been, oh, a month and a half?
but I feel as if I have so many new friends,
friends that I feel like I can keep and that I can trust.
but that's how I feel with almost all my friends.
and, most of the time, I end up drifting away after 3-4 months.
I just don't know.
we'll see...

have you ever had that feeling, where, you just wanted that person to acknowledge you?
like you just wanted her/him to recognize that you're there.
to say hi to you in the hallways. there's no particular reason for that feeling,
but it just drives you crazy because they don't acknowledge you.
because you try so hard, you try to catch their eye, you wave and say hi
but they never do anything back. it's frustrating.
you're not asking for a deep and meaningful conversation,
for them to suddenly become your best friend,
you're not asking for anything more than a simple smile, a simple hello as you pass each other.
that's not much to ask, is it?
and still. those hellos dance beyond my reach, irritating me,
and it's not letting me stop thinking about it.
it comes into my mind at least once a day, and despite all the friends you already have,
it's just that one person or two who don't recognize that you're there and that you're trying to be their friend.
it doesn't leave me rest.
and it's been bothering me for quite a while now.
I just wish they'd wake up and see me as more than another student that goes to whitney high, same as them,
but actually see me as a potential friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICOLE HAYASHIDA!

I miss you like no other, man <3
wish you were here with me.

today was. alright?
flew our hot air balloons
ours was 3rd to last! not bad, not bad. XD
16 seconds.
jasmine's balloon was like, 3.5. and team bombay had 57 seconds!
flew over the gym.
pretty tight.
we kinda improvised on ours cause we ran out of time.
whatever (:

in verrett there was a mouse! and we chased it into rosenberg's room.
5 minutes later.
we hear people screaming XD
so freaking hilarious! cause our class was all quiet,
and all of a sudden someone screams. (:
elberson heard it too, haha.

spanish we had garcia as a sub.
I'm kinda worried though. cause I"m gonna lose a bunch of participation points =/
from wednesday and next friday.
goshdarnit! D:
these days, barry never calls on me.
we were listening to garcia tell about her husband's breast cancer
pretty gruesome
and on the other side of the room, leo and katti and ted were all trying to hold a pen on their chin
SOOOOO freaking funny. XD
got my essay proofread by katti.

pe = won 42-14.
coulda won by more, but fernie was screwing around >__>

breik is just breik. haha.
science&history test wednesday.
oh dearr. gotta study study study!
after school today though,
man I really hate people who are new to talking online
they are so IMPATIENT.
I was like that too once, but. it's just so annoying.
and that girl, anastasia? she's so weird...
how does she even remember me?
I had a really good convo with nicole though.
sent her a really long email. I really put a lot of thought into it.
and, it really made me think.
but the thing is! she loved it. almost made her cry.
when she said that, I wanted to cry too.
man I really miss her =/
WELL. I'm gonna be un-sad now! cause I gotta sleep!
gnite people (:

yesterday was...alright.
didn't get much done.
finished most of espanol project (the writing part)
did math/science hwk.
devoting the rest of today to patriot pen essay.
...which I am gonna totally bs. :D
yeah.
had a pretty good convo w/ tiff chen.
we reminisced on how much of a jerk we were in elementary school. (:
let's have a conversation like that, yes?
translated stuff english -> chinese to help vicky out
(taiwan student)
with the awesome sat2 chinese-er,
katti horng!
yay katti! :D everyone applaud for her.
it's a lot harder than it looks lol
I'd rather translate chinese -> english.

but yeah. man, sometimes I read other people's blogs and I'm thinking.
wow. life is so harsh, you know?
it's so messed up. friends stab each other in the back,
and sometimes, everything just goes wrong.
I hate it when that happens. but that's life,
and everything does happen for a purpose.
you just have to figure out what that purpose is.
might be good, might be bad.
but most everything turns out alright in the end.
trust me (:

alright, enough thinking deep.
my mind is not built that way.
I'm a very shallow person.
time to play video games!
....and then think about why america's veterans should be honored.
BLEHHH :P

CAT CAME TO CHURCH TODAY.
it totally made my day.
thanks, cat. <3

today was an okay day.
it was pretty good, actually.
but iono. for some reason
I was just in a pretty dead mood the whole day.
not bad.
it's just that. I was really tired.
not sleeping tired. just tired.
like I guess I'd be pretty active in class for like five minutes
and then get like tired.
and repeat. but each time after I get active,
I get more tireder.
but it was still a pretty good day.
it was western day today. hahaha.
but i mean, it was just a...tiring/stressful day.
the hot air balloon this morning.
I hate having louis in my group.
he does NOTHING. it's just me and alison and elizabeth.
whatever.
we don't need him.
but I got really serious in the morning cause we were making it.
lost my pencil case too.
forgot it on the floor, and esther took it.
now I just need to get it back before third period.

it was pretty fun after school,
messing around with angel and her sister.
going to buy water in the pe locker room cause when you kick it, you might get two. (:
we didn't though.
and we had to try 127318927 times to get the bill straight enough so the machine would accept it.
it was fun though, kicking the machine.
intenseness.

but yeah. I kinda felt like crying after school,
cause I had piano.
and then my teacher was mad at me (but she didn't show it)
cause I played a lot worse than last week even though I practiced more.
and like. I sucked, seriously.
I was really mad at myself for playing that bad cause I was tired.
but yeah.

hmm, these days
I think I've found a pretty good friend in michelle lee.
she's teaching me how to be nicer to people.
dude she's so nice, actually.
doesn't seem like it from the outside.
but she is.
haha she gets mad at me for being mean all the time. XD

I was going to blog yesterday,
because it was a pretty good day.
had some pretty good conversations with some people,
found people I could trust in.
and then I forgot cause I was working on my hot air balloon. :D
which btw is looking like a boxy sphere.
I don't think it's gonna fly though (:
oh well!
it looks better than everyone else's.
man, this weekend is gonna be busy.
gotta write my patriot pen essay.
"why america's veterans should be honored" <- any ideas?
and work on espanol project.
I think I'm going to draw a punk rocker pig,
with a mohawk and an electric guitar.
named vodka. that comes from russia.
and her friends are gonna be tecate and corona
good idea, no? :D

!!!!!
one more good news that I forgot to mention.
I aced my first geometry test!
yay! first ace of the year (:
let's not make it the last.
(of course, that was WITH the bonus added in. but whatevers.)

[note: emily yang nerd terms -> ace=100%, not 90+% :D]

man, I really just feel like isabel and angel sometimes.
my posts are just so shallow.
I jsut ramble about my day,
smile at the right moments,
frown at others.
is that all there is to me?
iono.

I guess today,
I realized that I've been really wound up lately.
like the slightest thing will get me snapping at people.
like both yesterday and today I've been getting remarks from different people,
telling me to relax. take a break. don't be so tense.
and it is pretty true.
hahahaha. it might be stress.
or maybe I"m just pmsing. XD
I don't know. I'll try to keep my emotions on the dl though.

today was on the okay side.
geometry test=okay.
talking with friends=okay.
didn't yell at anyone today.
had a nice time at football drills in pe.
wished the xc team good luck before they left.
ahahha, I was talking to ellie and pauline inside the gym at the doorway
and then flowers comes in and I"m all like OH SHIZ.
so then I like ran over to my seat.
pauline and ellie thought it was really funny for some reason. (:

but yeah. it was a pretty boring day,
but still nice.
it's days like these that remind me what life is really like.
it's not bad or good most of the time - just in between.

wow, september's gone.
when'd that happen?
I just realized it today,
that it was already october 6,.
today was alright, I guess.
from senora barry's repeated comments
I guess I really am high-strung huh?
I tend to get excited really easily.
gotta chill more (:

also like. pe was pretty darn tight!
we got to make up our own plays,
pulled off a triple reverse sweep.
cool, no?
well it looked cool anyways.
geometry. test tmrw! gah!
not nice at all. >____>
it's okay. bruesch people have a test too.
so there! :D

haha also today!
me and katti swapped kindergarten pictures.
SHE'S SOOOO CUTE.
what happened katti? ahhaha jk ;D
no but seriously. she's all fobby-chinese
with her straight bangs
and no teeth smile.
it's so funny and cute (:
plus the peace sign! ahhahaha (:
katti was such a cutie in kindergarten.

but the thing I liked about today probably was that,
jasmine said hi to me everytime she saw me.
and that was really nice.
thanks jasmine.
I appreciated that.
even if maybe I don't show it that much.
but it does make a difference.

oh at last but not least.
the main event of today, october 6:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALICE ZUO.

I LOVE YOU <3

and happy birthday esther!

yay :D

OF COURSE NOT!

i know you well enough that you didnt mean to say wat you said in the way that you said it.

wow thats confusing. but i dont like you any less!

:)

what good friends I have. (:

courage is not
the absence of fear.
rather it is
to be scared like heck
but to do it anyways.
knowing it's the right thing to do.

And this week the trend
was to backstab yell at every single one two of my friends
and leave a voicemail message trying to make amends
all the while hoping things work out in the end

today was alright, I guess.
got  kicked out of barry cause I was mouthing stuff during the test.
it's cool though.
I guess I won't do it again.
mm, most all my classes were boring though.
pe me and alice joined kasie's team.
played against priya's team.
it was pretty fun!
I threw a touchdown to alice cause I was qb.
still lost though, but whatever.
cause it was interval mile day, michelle made me run two laps with her.
ahhaha.
guess I gotta get used to it by next week.
breik was interesting too, I guess.
emily liang totally ditched though.

ahh, and I think our group presentation tmrw is gonna suck.
it's cool though.

mm. but I was just thinking and stuff
about yesterday, you know?
cause I'm still feeling pretty darn low for doing such a thing.
and then I was thinking.
because ____ was there when I ranted at jasmine.
_____ must think I'm a real jerk, huh.
because that was what I was.
and she's one of the people that I really want to win the respect of.
so it's kind of like, crap.
I screwed up two friendships with a couple of words.
how could I have been so stupid..
so I was thinking about asking her if she thought I was a jerk now.
if she did, I'd totally understand though.
because I was a jerk.
and I can't rewind time now.
all I can do is try to patch up what I've done,
and try not to do it again.
to think before I speak.
I think though, that if I have a chance to talk to _____ tmrw
I'll ask her.
just to get that out of mind.
if I don't have a chance,
I'll facebook or something.
I just don't want to leave this hanging
to leave that impression in her mind.
because when I walked off yesterday,
I didn't walk off before seeing the look on her face completely change
to say,

"I can't believe you would do this kind of thing.

what a horrible person you are..."

at least that's what I saw in her eyes.

man, I make such bad mistakes sometimes.
take today.
before I start I'm going to set up the scene.
so first of all, I was pretty darn pissed off.
and you ask why?
because of class meetings.
because they're completely unneccessary.
and because joyce sucks.
jasmine's pretty cool.
anyways. so joyce freaking SUCKED.
and then jasmine tried to patch it over
which was pretty good for her
she's probably make a better prez than joyce.
so then we got turned loose for like 15 minutes to do nothing
and you know me. I got no one in my grade that like
 Ican actually connect with.
because, that's you guys right there.
so I had 15 minutes to do nothing, be emo.
finally we get to go.
and I am in such a bad mood right now.
so I see jasmine talking with people.
and I think, well maybe if I rant to jasmine right now.
something will get done.
so I said some pretty hurtful things.
and I walked off, but not before seeing all of their expressions totally change.
jasmine got HURT.
and that was really bad of me.
see what I did?
I totally screwed one of my friendships on a whim.
that was really really stupid of me.
I wish I could take it back.
later I apologized and stuff. but. iono. man I feel so guilty.
I guess it's up to her.
I didn't really do a good job in explaining myself though,
because all I did was say sorry.
so I don't think she really believes me.
but she looks better.
I'm getting emily liang to talk to her for me after doing the proof that we were supposed to work on together XD

here's the good parts of my day though
haha I was talking to katti
and I asked, your hair isn't always like wavy is it?
she says naww I curled it last night
so I says, why?
"I don't like it straight."
"well I think it looks good on you (:"
"AWW you cutie <3"
also I think I did okay on verrett test.
but something that really balanced out how I felt today
was priya.
thank you priya (:
cause like, I dropped a piece of ice down her shirt
and somehow...
it got all the way into her underwear O___O
and she started jumping around and was being priya XD
so basically, it melted in there.
in her underwear.
and left a wet spot at her  butt
it was SOOO freaking hilarious

man, it almost made up for how bad I felt cause of jasmine.
it's totally my fault, still.
sorry.
there's no words to describe how low I feel right now.
I hope you forgive me.

today was just a bad day for me, overall.