the The's

It's only when people leave (officially) that you realize how much they matter to you..

Today was the last day of Christopher and Janelle The here at OCCCA that they would serve as pastor & wife to us. I thought oh, no big deal, this is the fourth pastor that we've had in the last three years - I'm not that close to them anyways. Let's get a new one already! #unquote

But as we were praying over them at the end of the day, I just started tearing up and I couldn't stop... I guess they have affected my life more than I thought.

I know that there have been issues between them and the church administration, and that maybe they're not as nice as they seem all the time. Yet, when it comes down to it, I sincerely believe that they are great people. They've taught me some really important lessons (though I have to admit, I don't always pay attention to the sermons), given great advice, and shown me a different way to look at myself.

It's been an honor knowing the The's. God bless them as they go out into the world!

Summer Activities '11

Hi guysssssssss~

It's been a while since I last blogged! So here's a quick update on what I've been up to (if you're interested, that is)

On a normal weekday, I head over to the school office and... chill. I get volunteer hours for sitting at a desk, sometimes working on Naviance things (i.e. inputting SAT/ACT/AP scores, updating GPAs, putting in new students, putting together stats for college application/acceptances), but sometimes just for chilling doing my own homework and reading a good book =) Lately though, I've been working as an admission ambassador - this means that I help out the little scrubbies when they come in to pick up their registration packets. I talk to them/their families, explaining what each thing in the packet is, talk a little about student life, give a short tour of the school. It's great to put smiles on people's faces! Sometimes the kids come in just... not feeling the Whitney vibe at all. You can tell that they reaaaaaaaally don't want to come and that their parents are just forcing them to, but after we talk to them a bunch they leave with a spring in their step ^^ I gotta admit though, it does suck fielding phone calls from desperate parents who really want their kids to come.. that's why I avoid picking up the phone, and always make someone else take calls if possible! hoho =)

Besides the office, I went to Las Vegas for a week (okay, not really, more like Boulder City) with my youth group. We basically did community service, and most of us worked at senior centers (myself included) The two things I reaaaaaaally didn't like, but probably helped me grow more as a person, were the fact that 1. Our group was the oldest, overall - the program was clearly geared towards younger kids (middle schoolers) and 2. We were all split up into 8 teams =/ There was this Iowa kid named Colette (not Cosette) who drove me CRAZY.. just really immature haha. Needless to say, I did not accept her Facebook friend request ^^ But it did teach me a lot about responsibility, patience, humility, and counting my blessings. For example, this one afternoon, we were playing board games/putting together puzzles with the seniors - I worked at a physical rehabilitation center for them (i.e. recovering from strokes, falling down stairs, that kind of thing) - so most of them were in wheelchairs, and I'd guess half of them couldn't talk; of those that could talk, half were confused often. ANYWAYS! Back to my story. I was putting together a puzzle with this nice old lady named Fern, and she kept picking up the pieces, looking at the front and back, then putting them back down again. Finally, I asked her, "What are you doing, Fern?" And she said, "I can't tell the front from the back.."

=(((((((

Story over.

Band camp's starting soon... wish me luck =/

I BEAT THE SYSTEM YAYUH

SECTION LEADER 2011-2012 THAS WHASUP!!

THE SAT MONSTER IS COMING TO GET ME

PLEASE HELP!!!

Oh Booy, it's Molly!

Today marks the last official day that Molly N. Booy is in attendance at Whitney High School..

I hate this.

I wish I could just reach out and stop time, rewind it, and replay this last year.

Time just flies by way too fast... I've really only started to get close to Molly this year, but already I feel like I've known her for forever, and honestly I dread going to school tomorrow without seeing her there in the mornings. What will make me happy if she's not around.. =/ Yes, I know I'm happy everyday, but that's only a temporary state. Having Molly there has instilled a joy into my heart that I'm not sure will stay without her to recharge it every morning.

Anyways I'm trying to achieve catharsis (haha, SAT word!) right now and get this SALKFJASDKJFALSJ all out of me so I don't have to suffer slowly the next couple of weeks and so I can get on with life. So I'm sorry if I'm being excessively sentimental - bear with me, will you? =)

The thing I'm most scared of right now is that even though we've promised to write each other, I can't help fearing that she will find better friends there in Ohio and slowly forget about me.. it's happened to me many times before where a tearful goodbye and promises to keep in touch inevitably disintegrate - those are friendships formed after a week or two, so I'm hoping that the bond Molly and I have now will last longer than that. I think that I've had enough friends to known a good one when I see one, and Molly is the best. Even if we don't keep in touch that regularly, I will try to do my part, and that's all I can do.

This is the first real test that I face which deals with my inability to maintain a strong friendship.. The thing that I am REALLY good at is building friendships! Hell, if I take a shine to you, I'll try to become the best friend you've got - and I'll stay that way for anywhere from half a year to a year or so.

Eventually though, these stories all end the same way. I find someone else I take a shine to, and I work on building that friendship to the extent where I stop working on my other friendships. Sure, we're still close - me and those other friends - but perhaps not as close as before. That familiarity that comes from working at that friendship will remain there, though. It's just.. I lose touch with the ins and outs of their lives, and no longer have deeper things to say to them. They're good friendships, just not so deep.

Every friendships that I've had has progressed through these stages - since Molly is leaving, I'll never know if I would have eventually found someone else to talk to and grown apart from her. I like to think that I would not have, however. In all honesty, she is the only person I have truly felt myself around, felt free to say whatever I wanted, however I wanted, without fear of her judging me or thinking worse of me in any way. I can be as openly sentimental as I want or as bitterly sarcastic, weep and rage, or just sit there with her without anything to say. She's the first person who has thanked me for sharing the Gospel with them (something that brings me incredible joy) She's just.. an amazing person who it has been my extreme honor to call one of my closest friends.

When she took me home today after visiting Cerritos Elementary, we hugged in front of my house (yes, I made her get out of the car, heh). I was hoping not to cry today 'cause she's leaving and all, but as I pulled away I just started to tear up.. so I turned away really fast and went to my garage, hoping she didn't see, hoping that she would just remember me as someone happy so she wouldn't have to leave with an image of me crying.

Then I went inside my room and cried for a couple minutes before my dad came in and asked me if I wanted to eat cantaloupe -____-

And here I am now, crying/tearing up again.

I'll be counting the days until she returns =)

goodbye my love! mo chuisle..

Eulogy for a Phone

My mother put my phone in the washer...

Now it's broken.. =(

I get to use hers now but still

I'm quite sad.

Goodbye phone! We had such nice memories together.

I'll miss you.

patience.

Sometimes it just takes patience for everything to happen. You won’t get respect in just one day, you can’t be in love with someone that you just met & you won’t be able to forgive yourself in a second. I’ve learned that helping people is good, but helping someone too much won’t let them grow. You grow by making mistakes, getting hurt, & learning from your regrets. Thoughts are there to help guide you to your decision. It’s you that have to take that first step into the pathway of happiness. It’s your doing that makes you who you are. Don’t assume; get your fact straight. That is what messes a lot of people up. There’s always the true story & reasoning behind everything. We are alldifferent, but have one thing in common; we all want happiness. It is like we’re all trying to fight for it, trying to get what we want which makes us forget the whole reason why we wanted it in the first place. But in life, the only way to acheive real happiness is to desire nothing. Nobody said life is going to be easy; life is what you make of it. Change for the better; don’t change for someone else. Change for yourself. Don’t be selfish. Don’t limit yourself from doing things just because you don’t think you can make it through. Remember — time isn’t going to wait for you, so make the best of it.

-Joycelyn Sun

a moderate automatic preference for Abled Persons compared to Disabled Persons.

a slight association of Male with Career and Female with Family compared to Female with Career and Male with Family.

a slight automatic preference for Light Skin compared to Dark Skin.

little to no automatic preference between Fat People and Thin People.

17 The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles.

18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Psalm 34

Things to get me :D

I know my birthday's over, but here's a short wishlist... =)

1. Super Scribblenauts! Freaking awesome game for the DS... look it up on youtube or something. Amazing stuff, man :D Basically there's a bunch of levels with basic objectives, and you have to solve them by spawning items that you come up with. So if you type in "gigantic moth" a hugeass moth is gonna appear! You can't use trademarked/inappropriate items though, so no Justin Bieber... aw shucks.

2. Adele CD (which no one got me anyways =( )

And that's it for now folks!

Thanks to everyone who got me something =)

I think my presents add up to...

3 cards

some delicious brownies!/candy

a DS game (Okamiden, which I'm looking forward to playing)/pokemon ball (LOL)

a bucket/flower/frog piggy bank =)

Pokemon White (which I got before my birthday from my parents, so it kind of doesn't count lolol)

God is Good - All the Time

And all the time, God is good!

Another example of how God always comes through - events of January 21, 2010

So I started my day pretty happily, going to band, thinking that wow! Homecoming is tonight! Can't wait. That day in band, we were playing honor band music which required me to get out a bass clarinet as well as the contra-alto bass clarinet. Because I had done this on Wednesday, I simply leaned the contra-alto against the wall and went to sit down with the bass clarinet and began warming up. Last time, Mr. England had told me to set the contra-alto against the wall while I got my bass clarinet out so I assumed it'd be okay if I did it again.. Boy, was I wrong.

We're all warming up when suddenly I hear Mr. England yell "EMILY!" I look over, and he's standing by the contra-alto which I had leaned against the wall. My first thought - Oh F***... I couldn't really ignore him, so I walked over and prayed that nothing would happen. As soon as I got there, he starts yelling at me. It went something like this:

EMILY HOW COULD YOU BE SO GODDAMN STUPID. THIS IS A FOURTEEN THOUSAND INSTRUMENT AND YOU'RE LEANING IT AGAINST THE WALL?! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT IF IT FALLS THE SLIGHTEST DENT CAN WRECK THIS INSTRUMENT.

(At this point, I'm tearing up... thinking in my head, well, I did this exact same thing on Wednesday and you didn't reprimand me for it - what makes it different now? I also didn't just just drop it there, I placed it there with the utmost care and watched it to make sure it wouldn't fall over....I really try take good care of it, coming back during snack to swab it out if I don't have time in the mornings. I come in on my own time to grease the cork, and always carry it with more than one hand if possible...Of course, I don't voice these thoughts aloud.)

I say: Sorry....

SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT. THIS IS SO DAMN DUMB THAT IT'S ALMOST WORTH KICKING YOU OUT OF WIND ENSEMBLE FOR. NOW GO AND PUT THIS SOMEWHERE SAFER RIGHT NOW. YOU IDIOT.

So of course I run off.. I'm pretty much just crying at this point. I go into the back room, sit there, think about where to put it, and just try to calm down so when I walk in at least it's not THAT noticeable. I really don't like just putting it on the floor cause it has lots of easily bendable metal things that stick out all around, so there's really no absolutely safe angle to leave it. Also, I didn't want my reed to get dirty so I figure that against the wall is okay - it presents less of a target to knock over/trample on anyways.

I may not seem like it, but I'm actually a really emotionally fragile person - I don't take criticism easily. And coming from a person who I strive my utmost to not upset or get on the bad side of, who I go the extra mile for by being his uniform manager and showing up early everyday to help set up, being reprimanded in front of the entire ensemble was really just... crushing. (haha I'm tearing up just thinking about it, it's that traumatizing.) To make matters worse, for those in the band who were oblivious to his yelling at me over the music during warm-ups, he delivers a short but scathing lecture to tell people to take care of their instruments using me as an example (how many contra-alto players in the band are there besides me? none)

I walk back in after a while, still trying to keep my tears in (this effort is largely unsuccessful). I stop several times during warm-ups to just try and control my tears, and all the while praying, God, even if England is a bastard, you still love me, and that's all that matters... Please comfort me at this time and help me to remain strong. I draw some strength from this, but still cry. Yeah I know, I'm a crybaby lolol. I manage to just about stop by the end of the period though.

The beginning of my day, periods 1-4 pretty much go by like this. I withdraw into myself and contemplate upon my actions, thinking about anything that I could have done differently to avoid this scenario and fail to arrive at a suitable explanation. I don't talk to anyone, and just sit in my seat in all my classes, unfocused on the events around me, still dwelling on what happened that morning. People ask me if I'm alright, and I just walk away, leaving them to decide for themselves - I mean seriously, what do you think? Would you be alright if you were me?

I'm thankful for the friends I have, who don't know what happened but can still tell that something is seriously wrong - they don't ask questions, but love without cause. "Emily, you look like crap... Come over here, let me give you a hug." Thank you, Borah <3>

And as much as I love some of my other friends, what I need at the time is not a run through of what I could have done differently to escape England's wrath, or justification for his anger:

"Oh, he's just been in a bad mood recently. Don't take it personally."

"Emily, it really doesn't matter.. Don't take it so hard! His anger isn't directed at you."

I've already done that myself. All I really need is love, and if you must talk about earlier events, please do it with a sympathetic point of view. It's kind of hard to not take it personally when he's only yelling at you, and calls you out specifically to do so. I know you guys mean the best, but things like that are really not that helpful.

Which brings me back to the beginning - God is good. He's given me friends that will love me unconditionally, just as He loves me. What I thought of as a day ruined beyond repair became one of the best, as an example of His healing love and grace. Little things like hugs, thoughtful pats, academic successes, an unexpected gift of Arizona Tea, wins across the board at Homecoming, and most importantly, Molly Booy crowned as Homecoming Queen - these all serve to remind me that no matter how bad things get, God is always there as my Dad up in Heaven, looking out for me and sending things my way as a sign of his neverending love.

You might say that these things were inevitable and would have happened anyways, but I say that God controls all and is solely responsible for all of these things. He's not just some distant Watchmaker (LOL AP Euro), but personally cares about each and every one of us, and takes an active hand in everyday affairs just as was demonstrated that day.

Thanks God, I love you too <3