Hi Guys,

For my birthday (and all other occasions that require gift-giving)

Please get me something LEGO =(

I read this book about LEGO the other day and I am falling in love with it all over again...

So, please get me either

A) Star Wars

B) Something complicated that looks like will last me a while (applies to Star Wars stuff too)

C) Something that can turn into different things :D

D) Creator series is AMAZING!!!!!! Holy freaking crap...

And keep in mind that I am as of now 15, but will be 16! I need something challenging =)

Now LEGO is quite expensive so.... start saving!

heh. heh. hehhhhhh.

Update

Hello blog,

I have been completely neglecting you lately... Since I don't quite want to study for Euro/Chem, I think I'll write to you!

Not much has happened. ...No, I take that back.

Quite a lot has happened, actually.

OKAY so apparently my last post was on the third of November.

Here's a quick summary of the events that stick out in my mind

1 - November 13, 2010: BAND SECOND PLACE @ LA PALMA YEEEAH! And... DRUM MAJOR FIRST PLACE OH YEAH THAT'S WHASUP. Had some good ice cream sandwiches and fried chicken as well =) Hooray for sharing!

2 - November 20, 2010: Arcadia Band Review. As you might have already surmised from my lack of cheering, it was quite a fail... Not a good way to close out the parade season, but certainly a memorable one. It was pouring buckets out there, and we were standing in the rain for a good hour or so. Everyone was soaked through and no one could see... Katti dropped her mace twice =/ (My heart broke a little bit each time I saw it happen on the video on Youtube). Still, a day to remember.

3 - November 24, 2010: DISNEYLAND?! OH YES! Had fun chillin' with Alex San Pabs & Katti, just the three of us for the day. Fantasmic is AMAZING by the way =)

4 - November 25, 2010: Thanksgiving potluck at church! And cooking beforehand with JJ and the church fambam. Quote of the day: "Oh.... the sausages are turning brown." "Yes dear, that's why they call it 'browning' the sausages." (In my defense, I was merely observing that it was happening faster than I thought it would. I knew that they were going to turn brown! Please believe me.)

5 - November 29-December 4, 2010: Whittier Christian Tournament. Won 2, Lost 2. Saw Cerritos High (& Nicole)!

6 - December 8-December 11, 2010: Fairmont Prep Tournament. Won all 4! Tournament Champions for the win =)

6 1/2 - December 8, 2010: Health IS Test (100 questions in 25 minutes, baby!) + Band Concert! I passed the Health Test, and got a semi-solo for the Band Concert (although no recognition)

7 - December 13-Now, 2010: Valley Christian Tournament. Lost our last two games to Gahr and Valley Christian, but made a couple of temporary friends in the process =) Alex got a technical today, and the coach was about to get one... Katti got a slight concussion too + a bruised/swollen thigh from falling one too many times =/

8 - Retreat is coming up! This Friday-Sunday. Looking forward to it. But, I hope I do well on Friday and get into Wind Ensemble... If I don't, I'll be quite sad and that will ruin my mood for a while haha. But, I'll get over it. I think I have a good chance this year, so let's hope all goes well! Pray, please =)

Life Update! =)

la dee da!

It has been quite a while since my last blog post.... over a month, to be precise.

Here's a couple of things that have happened:

-We've had our first parade @ Loara, and even though we placed 6th out of 6 bands in our division, we broke 90 on our first time out! =) HOORAY! So that's pretty cool, I guess. And our prestigious drum major placed, despite an unfortunate drop. That just goes to show you just how damn good she is, HAH! And my mom met Katti's mom, and I do believe they got along fairly well. That's good. At least they're not mortal enemies upon first sight...LOL

-A bunch more people dropped out of basketball... Steph, Allison, Alyssa. And I hear rumors today about others trying to get Coach Garcia fired :O

-I won a Knott's Scary Farm ticket through a drawing, but since it was only for Halloween and Ms. Baillie gave it to me two weeks after I won, I never actually got a chance to sell it -___- Congratulations, WHS! You just wasted $50.

-Jane Lui's album came out and it is quite spectacular =)

-Comps are ongoing right now, but I've gotten over the worst of them so it should be smooth sailing from now on.

-CHOC Walk was pretty bomb! Raised $72 in one day, yo! And albeit the fact that we didn't get to walk through California Adventure cause we were at the end of the walkers, and they closed it on us, we still had a bunch of fun camera whoring at the end + stalking Katti/Sam with JenDing. <3

-I love how I am getting closer with my band friends, but hate how I am drifting apart from my group of last year... (this means you, Jess/Kels/Annie) It's also slightly creepy how band has taken over at least 75% of my life. Almost ALL of my friends are in band - no joke. Plus, I'm always running some uniform errands or something these days =/ But, I do like how I meet so many people (and how a lot of the freshies turn to me when they have band-related questions hohoho)

-Our youth group is finally stabilizing. We've finally got a pastor who really looks like he's going to be staying for quite a while - Christopher The. He and his wife are pretty chill, and I really like them! I think it's kind of sad, however, that these days on Friday nights I count among one of the older members of the youth group. That's not right =/ I was the youngest person just... 3 years ago.

So as you can see,

My life is pretty on track at the moment. School's going well, my social life is relatively untroubled, and I hope this trend continues! I'll check in with y'alls maybe another month from now LOL. Or maybe when something big happens. We'll see.

DISNEYLAND ON THE 24TH YEEEEAH!

THREE WEEKS.

stress?

Okay guys,

I KNOW that I signed up for this job, I know that these are my responsibilities, I know that I shouldn't be complaining or anything.

But sometimes I just need to unload, okay?

This job is infinitely harder than it looks...

I'm so busy trying to be efficient and get you processed as quickly as possible that I do not have time for niceties, to talk and say, hi, how are you doing, how was your day? I'm sorry, but I cannot cater to your needs. I do not know whether or not you have checked your facebook since the night before, so I do not know if you got my message about bringing money or not. So just in case, I'll remind you again - THERE IS NO REASON TO CALL ME A NAZI. You hurt my feelings.. I am just trying to do my job as uniform manager.

Maybe I do come off as contemptuous/annoyed during uniform fittings. But if you see me that way, can you tell me? I'll try to loosen up if you do. As uniform manager, I de-personalize myself during the job. I will not make an effort to be nice - it takes up too much energy. It's just: "Hi. What's your size? Okay, go try on uniform __." I got tired of telling people nicely to check their sizes or go see Mr. England, so I point instead. Is that alright with you? Is that too rude? Well, too bad. If you would just read the signs we have up around the bandroom, I wouldn't need to point and you wouldn't think I was rude. So if it's all the same to you, please follow directions. Read everything thoroughly. Isn't this what they teach you in school?

It really is a catch-22..

In order to do my job properly, I have to bug people so they'll remember to do things.

If I bug people, they will become annoyed and uncooperative, hindering me from doing my job properly.

But you know, no matter how much I bug people, there is ALWAYS someone who refuses to show up. So for me, there is only one solution - bug people more frequently.

I'm afraid that I'm starting to lose my friends... after spending so much time away, devoted to band, I wonder, is it really worth it? Most everyone can tell I'm stressed these days, and you know what? Maybe I am. I dare you to shadow me for a day and see how much work goes into this entire uniform fitting business - and you know, I'm not getting paid. I'm not getting any recognition. I'm not getting ANYTHING out of this - except knowing that the band will run smoother because of me. It's almost worth it.. I still don't know. But what I signed up for, I will follow through on - I'm not one to break promises.

Anyways, please cut me some slack.

Thanks.

Managing

Sigh, the last few days have been super tiring.. Being the uniform manager is not all it's cracked up to be. I swear I put in more hours to band than anyone, except for Mr. England and our esteemed drum major, Katti =)

This week I'm not going to have a lot of time to do homework etc. cause of fittings and all.. I'll be at school until 5 everyday, if not later.. At least this whole business will be done after parade season! :D

I do enjoy my job though, don't get me wrong. I like knowing that I single-handedly make a difference in helping everything run smoothly, to make everything easier on Mr. England and Katti at least - goodness knows they have too much to do as it is.

But until then.. ASDLFJ;LAKDSJFLA! Good-bye, energy. See you after winter break! :(

by the way, UNIFORM FITTINGS are tomorrow - friday, 3-5!

Be there.

It's mandatory.

You have no choice.

PUNCH

I was just thinking about the reasons why I punch walls/pillars/whatever is hard at hand,

and it comes down to a couple of reasons.

1. I am upset at someone else.

2. I am upset at myself.

This boils down to

I am upset.

SO DON'T MAKE ME UPSET.

I guess punching walls just relieves all the jumbled-up emotions I have within myself, if only temporarily. It allows me to focus on something else for a moment, to calm down and analyze my situation without it being the first and foremost thing on my mind.

There's only been a handful of situations in my life where I actually have punched walls...

Here, I'll list them for you.

1. DC '09. Upset by the fact that Deborah Park + etc. were just being so UGH. Okay you can look at archives for further details.

2. Post-DC '09. Upset at Alice Lee for the way she treated me during DC.

3. Basketball Season '10. Upset at myself for not doing better during practice, thus garnering the attention of Coach White which resulted in lots of yellings and an unhappy me (part of why I quit basketball)

4. Friend Fiasco '10. Upset at myself for being so damn stupid and insensitive and almost losing a highly valued friend in the process.

5. Marching Mishaps '10. Band Camp disaster. Upset at myself for failing so epically.

So you can see a trend in which slowly focusing away from others as the problem and toward myself as being the problem, hooray! Which is... better? Worse? I don't know! You tell me =)

I really need to find another outlet though lolol.

My knuckles are toughening up and it doesn't really relieve stress anymore :(

Emotions?

"If I know I feel it, that's what counts. Don't you ever look at someone who's hysterical in public and wonder if it's because they really feel miserable or because they want others to know they're miserable? It kind of dilutes the emotion if you display it for the whole world to see. Makes it less pure."

-Jacob, House Rules by Jodi Picoult.

Thoughts like that have passed through my mind every once in a while - do you really love your significant other THAT much that you have to snuggle and cuddle in plain view of everyone else? Or are you just marking your territory? And also those people who cry in class day after day - are you really that sad, or do you just want to draw others' sympathy and attention? Ridiculous, if you ask me.

OH OH AND BY THE WAY!

The oh so wonderfully gifted and talented JANE LUI is releasing her third album on OCTOBER 5, 2010 on her website, JANELUI.COM for.... FREE

I don't quite believe it, but I guess we'll all find out on October 5th.

I'M SO EXCITED :D

(I also pre-ordered Clara C's new album yesterday, hehe)

Real Life Story

I was volunteering today, just helping Baillie out at school with her latest "Raise the Roof" project

(today's work was pretty boring to be honest - making boxes / invitations / envelopes etc.)

I came back into the classroom from walking Annie out, cause she had to go, and there were three other teachers + Ms. Baillie already there just talking. Mr. G, Ms. Verrett, and Ms. Sunny Yun (new history teacher).

So I'm just sitting there listening to their conversations and waiting to get another job assigned, when Ms. Baillie tells a story. Real one! I thought it was pretty cool, so this is how it goes...

Kay's in the office, filing away admissions stuff and calling people back from the waiting list to tell them that they got into Whitney after all! She remembered a polite family who was really sad that their 9th grade child got in but the 7th grade one didn't, and it just so happened that the 7th grade one was the next on the waiting list. So being Kay, even though it's 8:00 at night, she calls up the family to tell them the good news. The mom picks up, says HOORAY! , is really happy and hangs up.

Next day, the dad comes in and tells Kay - "You're a hero." She's like, uh.. okay. It really wasn't me who decided that your kid got in. But the dad says again, "you're a hero." And it's the way he said it that really made Kay puzzled. So he tells her this following story

Last night, when you called, after the mom hung up she looked at the clock and thought, hey the grandma is still awake in Taiwan (YEAH TAIWAN). I'll call her and tell her the good news. Calls. Ring....ring....ring. Doesn't pick up. Calls again - ring...ring...ring. Still doesn't pick up. So now the mom is slightly worried, and she calls her brother to see if he can get in touch with their mom. He's able to reach her on her cell, but all she says is, "Don't bother me. I'm busy at the bank withdrawing all my money." Click! Hangs up. Wtf, right? Why would you withdraw all your money... He calls the bank and explains the situation, then asks them to stall her until he can get there. She's quite old, and doesn't always think clearly anymore. Once he got there, they asked her why she was withdrawing her money. Turns out she was hooked by an investment scam, and they were actually able to bust an entire scamming ring that day! Plus the grandma kept her money (:

So you see, if Kay hadn't called at that time, the mom wouldn't have called the grandma, and the grandma would have still gotten scammed and those criminals would've kept scamming people.

Pretty amazing story, ain't it? She really is a hero.

PUZZLES GALORE!

So because I have no hobbies to speak of,

(unlike Julian who has a gazillion photography equipment stuff)

My momma said she'd get me puzzles cause that's what I love :)

Because the website (cheaper online than in the store) we're buying from needs $94 worth of stuff for free shipping,

I get THREE puzzles hooray!

These two I'm sure I want,

Noah's Ark - Jean-Jacques Loup

Orchestra - Jean-Jacques Loup

But I want to pick one from these two and I'm not sure which one I like better yet :(

You can go on Google to see a bigger image!

Black and White - Marino Degano

Spaghetti - Marino Degano

lingerie

So I went bra shopping with mi madre hoy,

Actually she went and I just tagged along. I don't do that kind of stuff hehe.

Her and my cousin were going off about, "喔!! 這些內衣好厚喔!!" "These bras are so thick!!"

I really thought they were just overexaggerating.

Maybe they're just sensitive or something... but then my cousin is like dude see for yourself

So I went over and felt one of the bras and HOLY CRAP

IT'S HELLA THICK

LIKE

2 CM - 1 INCH HOLY CRAP.

I think Senora Barry could use one of those.

:)

Respect

^ one of the things I value most.

When people treat others with no respect, it infuriates me.

That 口氣 / attitude of ... valuing yourself above other people just drives me crazy!! Such inconsideration is ridiculous.

ie. Speaking loudly in the morning when people are still sleeping, telling others to do something with the 口氣 of expecting them to do it just because YOU're the one who said it. Stuff like that.

So I guess not only respect, but also putting others above yourself and things that I value a lot.

LOL I just realized maybe it's cause I just came off from missions where that's the attitude you have to have, viewing yourself as a servant for others.

--------change of topic---------

My mom's back! :) 好有安全感喔

I haven't cried for the past month, and then she comes over and I cry twice in one day LOL

The first time was just cause I was so happy to see her (I didn't realize I missed her that much)

The second time was cause I got hella pissed at my cousin so I threw a pillow at her,

and then my mom semi-lectured me so I was kind of sad.

I've been keeping my tongue-in-cheek everyday for the last two weeks,

remembering what 余牧師 said about "Rule #1 - No complaining, especially about your teammates. We're here to build each other up, not to tear each other down."

So I haven't said anything bad about her AT ALL. So everything just builds up inside and I guess today I just erupted haha. 可是我還是沒有很兇地罵下去, like she does most everyday to someone or another. Sigh... that's something I'll be looking forward to when I go home, that I won't have to live with her anymore :)

Skype :D

Man, I LOVE Skype.

So today, I was just Facebooking and stuff. And a chat from Moses pops up!

"

Moses

let's skype

give your id

3:37pmMe

hahahha

hold up

emilyyang.cerritos

3:39pmMoses

ok let's begin

"

I just agreed to it but thought it was kind of weird that Moses would want to talk to me via Skype...

When the video loaded, there was a mess of people in the background!! :O

I was so shocked.

Alice and Vicky were there! Man I got to see them and say hi, and hear them talk (just a little). And I guess, even though video still can't compare to real life,

It's good enough for me for now.

He said he'll call again tomorrow :)

I can't wait!

Moses, you really just made my day.

Thank you so much!

Far, Far Away

I hate making friends that live in faraway places,

because sooner or later, everyone has to return home...

And then you're faced with the fact that it'd be incredibly difficult to maintain these friendships.

Although everyone promises to keep in touch with each other,

Inevitably, unless both parties commit,

I feel that long distance relationships have no choice but to deteriorate over time instead of growing stronger

And that makes me feel really sad =/

But I'm going to put in my share of effort into this!

I'm going to send my Taiwan friends (the ones I still talk to and are around my age, which is like... 2-3 of them lol) an email every two weeks to a month or so (or whenever I have drama llama rama), just to keep them filled in on my life I guess. And I hope that they do the same.

...UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE, WHO I SEND EMAILS TO, AND NEVER WRITE BACK.

until I bug them and bug bug bug 'til they write:

This is me writing back. _________ PS. :P You know who you are. >:[

smile!

You know,

I think my AIM sn really suits me (SM1LEplz)

Because every time I go online to talk to people, whether it be through AIM or Yahoo! or Facebook,

inevitably I'll start smiling.

It doesn't matter that they can't see me through the computer screen,

or that I can't see them.

I'm just so happy to be able to talk and 聊天 with my homies, I really just start smiling :)

When I type HAHAHAHA, I'm actually laughing... or at least crack a grin.

No joke.

Today, my cousin was all like dude why are you smiling. stop it.

My dad is always like that too.... he says, 妳怎麼有再笑了？！為甚麼在笑？

..It irritates me to no end

But really, I just can't help it. It's weird.

I think I just love you guys too much <3

to share or not to share?

Just checking out my blog to make everything looks as it should,

Looked at archives... WOW 249 POSTS IN 2008? Hahahaha unrealll.

And then 27 posts in 2010. Kind of sad :)

Maybe I'll start blogging again on a regular basis. It feels good to have something stable in my life, anyways.

I was just reading over some of my friends' blogs, catching up on their lives

I haven't talked to them for awhile and stuff, so yeah. Kind of stalker-ish but whatever! :)

I realized that the times I feel most upset/難過 are when my friends are going through tough times and really, I can't do anything to help or comfort them.

I just feel so useless, you know? It's a horrible feeling.

But at the same time, I would rather know what's going on with them than be deceived by their smiling appearance into thinking that everything's alright

I mean, if you just leave problems to fester there nothing will ever get resolved, and I personally believe problems are best dealt with not by yourself, but with others around you to encourage and to help you look at your situation from different angles to find the best solution.

Others may not want to share their problems, feeling that they're personal issues, but I just think hey, if you're my friend, I trust that if I tell you about this hard time I'm going through right now you're gonna be there to support me - why shouldn't I turn to you for help?

Okay I don't really know if that makes sense.

It looked better in my head ;)

this post goes out to 謝巧安

so I was just browsing through my friend's blog

and her birthday was recently so I looked at that post, right?

WOW SHE GETS SO MANY CARDS.

WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GIVE ME THAT MANY D:

I was hella jealous of her, yo! hahhaha

look look look

http://www.wretch.cc/blog/ellen0605/570966

her friends freaking punked her on her birthday too

EPIC. but I would not want to be tricked like that

if you can read the chinese, it really is pretty damn epic.

it's been a while since I've last blogged

a severe lack of internet for the past two weeks hasn't helped any either

so, we've just gotten off of missions and...

I hella miss team b + locals already.

I miss ellen. and jackie and jojo, cathy and godwin, judy and jane, rachel, kelly, jessica, and everyone else.

it's tough being pulled away from the people that you've just spent every waking moment of the past two weeks with.

you just get so close with them, so this cold turkey separation is like WAH I MISS YOU PLEASE COME BACK.

it sucks.

but I know I'll be fine,

so after this brief bout of misery I'll be back to myself again, no worries!

I'm glad that I didn't cry in front of everyone though just to spare myself the humiliation :)

I'll just cry in my heart, hoho.

free will?

I wish I could claim credit for this stuff,

but it comes from Xenocide by Orson Scott Card (fiction, but read his stuff! it's good)

This is a conversation between two characters, Miro and Ender, about the existence of "free will"

It's long, but definitely worth reading.

Miro:

"... We're capable of connecting with each other by act of will, which no other form of life on Earth can do. There's something we have, something we are, that wasn't caused by anything else."

Ender:

"What, our soul?"

Miro:

"Not even that. Because the priests say that God created our souls, and that just puts us under the control of another puppeteer. If God created our will, then he's responsible for every choice we make. God, our genes, our environment, or some stupid programmer keying in code at an ancient terminal - there's no way free will can ever exist if we as individuals are the result of some external cause."

Ender:

"So - as I recall, the official philosophical answer is that free will doesn't exist. Only the illusion of free will, because the causes of our behavior are so complex that we can't trace them back. If you've got one line of dominoes knocking each other down one by one, then you can always say, Look, this domino fell because that one pushed it. But when you have an infinite number of dominoes that can be traced back in an infinite number of directions, you can never find where the causal chain begins. So you think, That domino fell because it wanted to."

Miro:

"[Bullshit]"

Ender:

"Well, I admit that it's a philosophy with no practical value. [My sister] once explained it to me this way. Even if there is no such thing as free will, we have to treat each other as if there were free will in order to live together in society. Because otherwise, every time somebody does something terrible, you can't punish him, because he can't help it, because his genes or his environment or God made him do it, and every time somebody does something good, you can't honor him, because he was a puppet, too. If you think that everybody around you is a puppet, why bother talking to them at all? Why even try to plan anything or create anything, since everything you plan or create or desire or dream of is just acting out the script your puppeteer built into you."

Miro:

"Despair"

Ender:

"So we conceive of ourselves and everyone around us as volitional beings. We treat everyone as if they did things with a purpose in mind, instead of because they're being pushed from behind. We punish criminals. We reward altruists. We plan things and build things together. We make promises and expect each other to keep them. It's all a made-up story, but when everybody believes that everybody's actions are the result of free choice, and takes and gives responsibility accordingly, the result is civilization."

It continues, and gets better actually. But I don't want to type the entire thing out.

I think you should read the book for yourself! Check it out at the library :)

Start with Ender's Game, then Speaker for the Dead -> Xenocide -> Children of the Mind.

They're all really good.

Ender's Shadow is a parallel novel to the first book, and has a series of its own that follows its protagonist.

I lost my copy of Ender's Game :(

But yeah, if you have time over the summer, I would definitely recommend checking these books out and reading them :)

Or come to me before I leave for Taiwan and I'll let you borrow my copies, as long as you promise to take extra good care of them.

YAY FOR GOOD BOOKS

on forgiveness

here's a little insight into how my brain works:

when you piss me off reaaaal bad

or hurt me or whatever

I'll probably be pretty damn upset for maybe

until I go to sleep and wake up in the morning

and by that time I think to myself, well, it really wasn't that big of a deal...

I'm not angry/sad anymore. I forgive you.

But then again, I think, if I just let you off the hook like that

What's going to stop you from hurting me again?

So most of the time I just act moody/upset at school when really, I'm not

(I convince myself that I am though)

I mostly do this to show you that your actions hurt me deeply

SO DON'T DO IT AGAIN.

sometimes it scares me how fast I get over things

my heart is willing to forgive, but my brain is not

because I think, dude that was really messed what you did... you don't deserve to be back in my good graces so easily.

so I make a show of being unwilling to let things go

but really, I'm a softy at heart

^the above only applies, however, if you're one of my close friends

if I don't know you well enough you're just screwed HAHA

:)

Alg II/Trig H

S

5

Brice

99.83

A

0

06/16/2010 11:30 AM

I'm not sure if it'll go up or down after the comp...so I'll copy and paste it right now :)

this is something I will be proud of for a very, VERY long time.

I challenge all them people taking algebra II / trig next year to beat my grade.

katti horng 10:32 pm

(10:32:18 PM): i was telling chanmee how

(10:32:28 PM): you are actually the best capable bass clarinet section letter

(10:32:38 PM): the only one suitable for the position

thanks (:

I'm quite flattered, really hehehehe

and I really need to study for bio but

liszt is just too amazing

I can't help but stop and immerse myself in his music

dante sonata - listen!

finished my letter of intent btw

hope it's effective

hello,
I am going to DEFENESTRATE you.

I just learned a new word today!
it's amazing what the english language is composed of :)

decisions made!

alright,
so I have decided what to do with myself for the next year.
sophomore classes will be

1. band
2. english II
3. spanish III
4. chemistry honors
5. math anal / calc a
6. ap euro

and during the summer, I might as well make the most of my time there
so I'll be stocking up on a bunch of books
here are my goals

1. LOSE WEIGHT. sweating + lots of walking ought to do the trick!
2. get a lot of reading done! english novels + rosenberg's recommended summer reading list
3. get a lot of piano playing done!
4. earn lots and lots of money by tutoring kids in english (hopefully)

sounds like a plan to me! (:

tentative sophomore year plans

so I was talking to annie about ap human vs. ap euro today via gchat, and we got to talking about classes and stuff. I'm pretty sure that I'll be taking ap euro next year, just to let you all know. but I'm also kind of worried about my workload. I've already signed up to keep book for basketball next year so second quarter will be pretty tough. With classes like ap euro, math anal/calc a, chem honors, and spanish III I'm really not sure if I can keep it all up, to be honest with you. but it's still worth a try. Second quarter especially, leaving for games at 4 and coming back at 10 will be killer (my mom won't like it much either). So what it means for me is that I'll have to work extra hard in the summer on piano, try to get ahead in english by reading the novels ahead of time, and just really work on my time management skills.

I was really touched by annie's concern for me though. Thanks, man! She kept telling me about how hard everything was that I'm taking and how scary it is to have borderline grades and how stupid it was that I signed on as bookkeeper and yeah stuff like that haha. In all honesty, her tactics are taking a toll on me and I really am starting to freak out a little over next year LOL. But girl, relax! With friends like you, I'll pull through alright. I'll just run to you whenever I need help with anything cause you're my comrade nerd-in-arms. <3

You can also pluck out my white hairs when I get too stressed, okay? :)

summer plans!

so spring break's almost over :(
but I've begun to make plans for summer.

I'll be in taiwan for a good month or so
July 1- ??
so that means missing the fourth of july.
again.
actually I was here last year, but the previous two years I haven't been.
so being in taiwan means...

1. I lose a good chunk of time to hang out with y'alls :(
2. no health classes @ tracy = health IS
3. I don't get to train with xc so I will be killed in august.
4. mosquito bites by the dozen when I get back
5. loss of opportunity to practice piano like crazy for panel next year

but that's the downside! on the other hand, it also means

1. TAIWAN TAIWAN FOOD CHEAP YUM STATIONARY CHEAP
2. mission trips -> reconnect with God, discover myself, learn. new friendships? :D
3. fun in the sun (and humidity and mosquitos but that's another story)
4. I'll be in town for annie's birthday + band camp + xc retreat!

well the cons really do outweigh the pros but..
I've decided.
I'll probably email y'alls complaining about what a bore taiwan is.
IF I have internet lolol
but please stay connected with me :(
and we better hang out lots in august! B)

my friends were so sneaky until today LOL
and I finally caught annie's twitches in action.
thanks guys, for everything though!

kels, annie, jess, michelle -> your song + poster and really weird clue hunt haha
(I loved the math clue btw. esp cause I caught annie red-handed leaving it there, but I pretended not to see her.and then I was walking towards her and she saw me and literally RAN the other way. and then I saw her outside and she's like uhh I have to go catch the bus cause I have a class at 4:30, then runs off towards the gym when she thinks I'm not looking LOL. annie you're a cutie)

borah -> cookies and card! those were some good cookies yo.

katti -> FOOD IN THE MORNING YES. I did not eat breakfast and I was so hungry. you're a savior (:

molly -> really cool card. (:

and mrs. sato for showing up at whitney unexpectedly and giving me hugs and kisses <3
it was such a nice way to end my day.
what nostalgic memories.
and how coincidental is it that me and molly spent the day before reminiscing about elementary school memories
hehehe

but thanks, guys!
love y'all
and I finally got a hug from annie YES.
:)

Escape

Striving to escape
The heavy weight of the world
Is not that easy

Maybe you're fleeing
Your future; the changes it holds
Wishing for the same

Nobody likes pain
Departure, despair, and death
Too often appear

Pressure to succeed
In school, and all that others see
What you do is judged

Escape can't be found
In Las Vegas or New York
Don't just run away

Temporary things
Money, beer, drugs, your false love
Grant pleasure, then fade

What are you left with?
Gaping emptiness inside
A hole in your soul

Then you ask, what now?
I'm still stuck with my troubles
Nothing has happened

Like Batman once said
It's the darkest before dawn
The sun'll come up soon

Meanwhile, be thankful
Treasure the blessings you have
Enjoy while you can

It's impossible
To avoid adversity
John Calvin is right

True escape is found
At the end of the tunnels
That your trials are

There are no shortcuts
The experience you gain
Is invaluable

If you do not try
How will you ever succeed?
Be brave and step out

Perseverance is
What will get you through the tough times
Keep after the light

Believe in yourself
Because you have the power
To make your own way

while waiting for my momma to return from the dentist to take me to the library,
I decided to blog a little cause
I'M DONE WITH CM YES YES YES
oh yeaaaaah baby!
but I only get a week of break from piano before I have to start preparing for panel
and this year, I'm going to take piano really seriously.
it is going to be my number one priority.
but this means I have to put more thought into my song choice
and pick songs I really like so I can put up with playing them for an entire year
and songs that I can actually master.

so I messed up pretty badly a couple times in my polonaise
but it's all good, cause the teacher still liked me
she talked to me afterwards and stuff
and as the door monitor was walking me out,
she told me that's how you can tell the judge likes you when they talk to you lots!
my door monitor told me she liked my polonaise (:
which is, really, my worst and least favorite song.
sorry mary (:
I think my ankle got my pity points with the judge btw hehe

142/149 on theory!
exemption, here I come :D

so I can walk now (albeit with an ankle brace and the use of a cane)
and let me tell you, you don't fully appreciate things until you no longer have them
seriously.

looking forward to this quarter!
fresh start <3

so yesterday,
I went to towne center from whitney.
to hang out with my oh so lovely jv basketball team
on foot. on my crutches

anything you can do, I can do better
oh yeeeah!

but today
I am suffering the consequences of my rash decision haha.
I have a pretty ugly friction sore whatever thing
on my back/side under my armpits
and two lumps on the insides of my upper arm
(it looks like muscle maybe, and I wish it was, but it's not lol)
and my back is AJSKD;LFKJASJKFSA
yes. I fell off the couch
and was immobilized
and could not get up hahaha
it's okay
it was worth it
I had fun (:
reading those retarded signs and horrible translations lmao
it's all going to be worth it!
I'm going to have some mad upper body strength after this oh yesssss.

anyways,
thank you annie yau
you are a good friend. and you don't read this so I'll rewrite this for your yearbook or birthday card way later or whatever hehe
but, thank you for sticking by me
and going the long way around to towne center instead of cutting across artesia
like amy kelsey priyanka etc. did
(you too, lauren!)
makes me feel appreciative
and loved <3

so here's for a superficial blog post
HAHAHHA LEAGUE CHAMPS FTW
OH YEAH OH YEAH
even though I've probably scored less than 10 points total this entire season
and linda scores like 20 points a game
who cares! :D
LEAGUE CHAMPS OH YEAH OH YEAH
I didn't even play in this last game
cause I busted up my ankle playing oxford two days before
so I kept score.
and screamed from my position behind the ref's table
(them refs were real biased, btw)

anyways, kels, you're being way too harsh on yourself.
suck it up
get rid of that mentality that I failed. I made a mistake.
I'm a horrible player.
because you're not!
so what if you made a mistake
you're overreacting. stop it.
we love you, you know that.
don't let this get you down, alright?
and even if you are, we're here to lift you back up<3

so I'm sorry if I'm a bit more irritable than usual as of late
this wholeentire CM piano madness is finally getting to me
I'm testing in two weeks
and am starting to freak out
but the more my mom nags at me to practice piano the more I don't want to
so it's a lose-lose situation.
those are never good :(

anyways, if I snap at you or anything
it's probably nothing personal
my nerves are just wound up really tight
and I can't take much more of this.
hang in there, emily.
you got this.
just two more weeks.

thanks for the pep talk guys
if you see me around, please give me a hug
I'd appreciate it
touches soothe me hehe yeah I know I'm weird
kthanksbye :)

so I really do learn something new everyday
today, I was talking with jean lo.
and she asked me

jean: is there a ms. park at whitney high? deliana park..
me: why?
jean: cause she's my old high school classmate, and she added me on facebook
me: WHAT THE!
jean: yeah all our worlds our colliding haha :)

next time I see ms. park I'm going to ask her if she knows jean "chang" hehehhehehe
dude this totally puts ms. park in a whole other light
now she's actually like... someone I can go up to and talk to like I do with jean
who, by the way, is COUGHthirtyfourCOUGH glowing with life.
and get hugs from (:
she went to sunny hills for high school, in case y'alls were wondering.

so I've resolved most all my problems now
they're going away, bit by bit.
I like this.
I love my friends.

we're done with finals, two more weeks of basketball,
three/four more weeks of piano and I'm home free!
I really gotta start studying my music theory though .____.
so I'm thinking about changing my blogskin
but I need to find one first.
any suggestions? :)

oh and I wrestled alex the other day
if any of y'alls wanna wrestle, just hit me up!
I'll be more than happy to oblige :D

damn it,
this relationship will only work if we both try to fix it up.
i'm trying to bridge a gap that I can only reach halfway across
I need you to help me out here.
pretty soon, i'm going to give up on bridging the gap
just stay on my side
and find people who will stand by me.
please don't leave.

Lady Kelsey Chang Q: wow I'm good I guessed where your formspring was hehehe (:
so here's a question for you:
How are you doing, for reals?

A: haha pretty alright. what did i tell you before?

http://www.formspring.me/kuhCHANG/q/78327482

Annie Yau

LOOOL KELS I PROMISE. REALLY. NOT LYING. THIS IS HILARIOUSLY COINCEDENTAL THOUGH HAHAHA

'bout one turn o' yer hourglass ago

Kelsey Chang

THEN WHO THE HECK IS IT, FORREALS?!?!?!?!

'bout one turn o' yer hourglass ago

Annie Yau

IT WOULDN'T BE FORREALS, CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
INSTEAD, I HAVE ANALYZED THIS:
1) IT'S A STALKER
2) YOU GIVE FAKE IMPRESSIONS TO HIM/HER
3) HE/SHE WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU'RE REALLY DOING ALRIGHT, HENCE HE/SHE CARES ABOUT YOU...(tharr be more) Peer into the depths
4) MOST LIKELY A GIRL (CAUSE GUYS DON'T GIGGLE MUCH)
5) TOOK A BILLION TRIES TRYING TO FIND YOUR FORMSPRING
THAT'S ALL. SO IT'S ALL IN ALL HE/SHE IS A STALKER. YOU HAVE PLENTY OF THEM. :)

57 shots o' rum ago

Kelsey Chang

does that mean you're my stalker, franny?!?! ♥ awwwww.

55 shots o' rum ago

Annie Yau

WOWOWOW WOULD I SPEND MY TIME WRTING AN ANALYSIS FOR YOU JUST TO SAY IT WAS ME?! YOU'RE A HOPELESS ROMANTIC HAHAHA NO CHANCE 1,2,3,5 DO NOT WORK FOR ME HAHA

51 shots o' rum ago

Kelsey Chang

BECAUSE YOU LOVE ME AND YOU'RE MY STALKER WHO POSTED THAT QUESTION ON MY FORMSPRING, OKAY?!?!

49 shots o' rum ago

Annie Yau

YOU CRAZZYYYY GIRL! NUH-UH. I PROMISED. AND MY PROMISES DON'T COME EASILY. WHY DON'T YOU JUST TAKE MY ANALYSIS AND START SEARCHING SOMEWHERE ELSE LOL

42 shots o' rum ago

Kelsey Chang

CUZ YOU'RE IN MATH ANALYSIS AND NOT KELSEY'S-FORMSPRING-ANALYSIS! HA!

41 shots o' rum ago

damn y'alls are crazy
hehe this cracked me up
annie, you can't tell her.
seriously this is the only way I can interact with her normally
without feeling wound up
through this weird formspring thing lool
I love it. (:

the rain has indeed succeeded in washing things away
I love it

I'm taking a step forward.
I hope I don't stumble on my way down

it's been two weeks and three days.
am I really that horrible of a person?
here's something she said to me once

"Well, guess what, buddy? I'm here to tell you: ZOMG, YOU'RE STUPID! A FAILURE! ... FREAKING DUMMY! IF YOU WANT TO GET BACK @ HER, HAVE A FREAKING GOOD TIME AND IGNORE HER!"

I think I'll follow her advice. but it's hard to do. How can I ignore her? :(
trying to have a good time though.
I've been flipping a coin most times I see her
tails, I wait
heads, I talk
it's always been tails the first time I flip it
so I think I'll wait. I hope it's not for too long though.

tell you what though. you are most definitely not going to get away with this.
when we do talk,
one of our first conversations is going to be about this entire situation.
and what we could've both done to avoid it in the first place.
I gotta admit, it's mostly my fault. in fact, it may be entirely my fault.
but I think there are better ways of dealing with this than the route you chose to take.

so you've hurt me. you don't understand how much hurt I felt the first couple days.
I'm alright now though, thanks for asking.
I forgive you, because I love you - you're my friend, after all.
and love keeps no record of wrongs; it never fails.
hope all is well in your life! take care.
may you accomplish at whatever you put your mind to.

"What is a friend? I will tell you. It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself. Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are. He does not want you to be better or worse. When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you. He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. With him you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty. He understands. You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you. He is like fire that purges to the bone. He understands. You can weep with him, sin with him, laugh with him, pray with him. Through it all - and underneath - he sees, knows and loves you.
A friend? What is a friend?
Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself."
-C. Raymond Beran

warring nations

Anxious, ambivalent, abject,
I pace back and forth.
Reality has trapped me
Leaving no way out
Stuck at the crossroads,
Nowhere to go
Both sides angry
Both sides hurt
What to do?
I am a neutral between two warring nations
It is impossible to please both
But impossible not to try.
One side will win
One side will lose
Either way
I will lose too.

okay, I'm done.
no more.
I'm just going to keep my thoughts to myself
and be a drama queen inside my head.
I hope you know what you're throwing away.

oh and
this is what I would write if I wrote a letter to kels.
but I won't, so I'll put it up here.

Dear Kels,
I count myself as lucky to have you as one of my close friends - even though we don't talk much, or share much in common, I'd like to think that we're still pretty close. But you know, is there something up between us? I'm really confused right now. It seems to me as if you just suddenly closed off yourself from me! The first day, I told myself, okay maybe it's just a little thing. Maybe she's just moody. It'll pass. I'll just back off for now and give her space. But then, we continued to not speak to each other and it's got me wondering. Kels, what's up? The fact that you haven't said a word to me about how I've offended you, or why you suddenly stopped talking to me - it hurts. To me, that says that you don't really care about our friendship as of now. And I think that's what hurts the most. I'm really sorry for whatever I've done to offend you or to hurt you, and I can promise you that I never did what I did with the intention to hurt or offend. Thank you for being my friend, for standing there by me in troubled times. It means a lot to me. I really do love you, you know (no homo!) So I hope you decide to talk to me again soon. I'd like to talk this out as well. Letters are nice and all, but face-to-face conversations get the job done.

Your friend,
Emily Yang

there's zero chance that she'll see this
and you're not gonna come here and read this unless I told you that I blogged!
that's you, isabel.
and you, michellechang (:
I love you guys
thanks for listening to me feel sorry for myself
hehehhe

so this last week, it's been pretty hectic.
just finished winter break
and the drama is starting up all over again.

here's what's happening (since no one reads this anyways, I might as well just lay down all the names and stuff...)
and you don't have to read all of this
it's mostly for me, to get all of my thoughts organized and out of the way.

so blaah monday/tuesday it's pretty normal.
wednesday is where everything starts changing. so me and kels, we have barry homeroom together right? usually when class ends
the person who finishes packing up first waits for the other.
then we hit up my locker, then walk to her locker. it's routine. we've done this everyday for the school year so far. but that day she doesn't wait! I don't think anything of it. maybe she was in a rush or something.
but that whole day she was kind of out of it.
so come night, I'm at home, she's online and I say hey there! you alright? you seemed kind of out of it today.
no response. oh well. she does that to me.

thursday is when ignoring starts. as in, okay it's unavoidable for me and you to cross paths but I'm just not going to talk to you. so even though we have spanish and basketball and so many mutual friends she just doesn't talk to me! okay kels. that's real nice.
but, I figure, maybe she's just annoyed at me for whatever. one day thing. let it go.
I'll just back off for the time being and give her space.
I do resolve a friendship that day though (:
practice was especially bad cause I kept failing so I ran a country afterwards (and when I was finishing, heading back towards the girls' locker room, I ran right past her and she didn't say anything! well neither did I, but that's beside the point.)
so anyways. I'm heading to my locker, and I bump into ellie! strike up a conversation
we get to talking
and I apologize to her
thoughts are exchanged
and I think our friendship is all good now. (after 2 years of inactivity.. it started deteriorating faculty follies '07, didn't talk to her 08-09)

friday! still the silent treatment from kels.
I don't think she entirely hates me though... I volunteered to do an on the spot rendition of beauty and the beast in spanish, and messed up horribly. she laughed along with the rest of the class.
so I get to talking with jessliu while her and annie head off to spanish ec.
talk about jesus club, then I tell her about my kelsey situation.
she tells me that she'd talked to kels about how she felt kels was stealing her friends
and tells me about how she felt about me
when I left her for kelsey as well, even when she had warned me beforehand that this might happen
and I'd responded by saying hell no! I'd never leave you for this person. but I did
and you know what makes me feel like a douchebag is the fact that I caught myself drifting from jess
I remembered that she'd specifically told me about kelsey the thief
but I went along and hung out with annie and kels anyways, leaving jess behind.
well. I apologize. she tells me she forgives me.
and we're good, I think.

but kelsey and me. eh,
I'm just too cowardly to talk to her about what I feel right now.
what do I feel?
I feel hurt, upset, mad. but mostly hurt
because she's not even telling me what's up so that I can change that aspect of myself
which is pretty much saying, dude I don't want to be friends with you anymore at all cause I don't like this about you but I'm not gonna make an effort to repair it but telling you the problem.

I had opportunities on friday, and today before our game got cancelled
but I didn't seize them.
I did, however, facebook-chat her saying that we needed to talk sometime but I wanted to do it in person.

anyways that's my situation for now
I hope it gets better.

when I play piano, it's easy to tell how I'm feeling from an outside perspective.
your soul can't lie through the music.