jane lui

JANE LUI YOU ARE MY HERO.
omgosh I saw her on isabel's blog video thing.
and now.
I am so enthralled by her (:
she is such, such,
SUCH an amazing singer.
but the thing I like best about her is that she has an ordinary face
SEE! not all singers have to be pretty.
you guys should all myspace her or youtube her,
because seriously,
her voice is so freaking amazing. (well at least to me)
and I like the way she sings (:

balled it up on the courts again.
me, west, christi, michelle, priyanka
vs.
ann, moneener, tiffshih, alyssa, allison.
learned how to post up today!
it's pretty hard, I get intimidated when I get the ball and start to go up
and suddenly there's like 1728197 people in my face.
and I'm like BAH! and I pass it outside.
but allison was complaining about how I"m so physical XD
everyone though was REALLY physical today.
'specially tiffanyshih. man, can that girl push!
I know I should go up for it, but my survival instinct is overpowering.

I've been getting so many injuries lately.
badminton bruises on shins,
couple of welts on my right arm from getting whacked by michelle lee
(they're gonna turn into bruises)
injured ankle,
jammed fingers (index + fourth) and one fractured knuckle that is not healing properly.
I can just feel it.

well, I talked to keilani today (:
nice girl, that she is.
ahahaha SIGNIFICANT OTHER.
who's a two-timing douchebag.
hehehe I'm touched though.
this from her buddy info:

AWWWWWWWWWWW
friend: ahahhafriend: well just give me a datefriend: and I"ll run over to carmfriend: and beat him up for you (:
that's me! :Dbut yeah that was my day.
and kelsey, CHEER UP ALREADY.
your being sad -> me being sad.
not good.
ahahahaha (:
well I wouldn't really know how you feel.
but. just want to let you know that,
we're gonna love you no matter how many times you "fail" in life.
that's what friends are for, isn't it? ;]

@shivanti: she does, doesn't she? XD I think it's the poofy hair thing. but janelui > wonder girls! :D

WONDER GIRLS!

YEAH WONDER GIRLS.
I was gonna put this up yesterday but then I forgot SO HERE IT IS TODAY.
angel's favorite is the one fourth from the left!
I like rapper girl in the middle (:

oh yeah michelle! I was gonna reply to your comment,
but I never got around to it.
1) what's GJ?
2) AHHAA at first I thought, correction? what correction O_____O did I make a mistake? but I get what you mean. they really are jerks sometimes....like. they seriously have 0 respect if they don't know you. so now I'm working on getting to know them.

I'll make a post about my day later, yeah?

not studying..

I decided that,
today is very blogworthy.
because it made me happy (:

so in the morning!
found out where kelsey goes :O
she sits outside ASB room with her "nerd" friends XD
aka michelle lee, renz lo, william.
so mean kels >:o

then. messed with jessie/jasmine in verrett (:
jasmine's always so happy!
I love her personality.

lunch! dragged kels off to open session
LOL epic fail.
can't even hit underhand XD
but she's pretty good at making me run from side to side
it was real fun though.
we both enjoyed it, I think.
got beat in PE by fernie and akira though.
16-14, 4-15, 1-2.
they won 1 & 3, we won the 2nd.
but we TOTALLY pwned them in the 2nd game.
I think if we had more time, we would've won >____>

in geometry. emily liang signed my tape on my finger.
^thank you katti for the tape btw.
so it's more like a "cast" XD
pretty hilarious.

balled it up after school on the courts!
today was a really good practice.
setting screens, rolling.
"punching" ann as I roll past her (:
LOL and monina's running.
like. she tucks her arms in. and punches up at the air.
small motions. keeps her head unmoving.
freaking cute mann <3 br="">we were just all laughing at her XD
also scrimmaging! yeah tiffany and anne
they seriously are really tight people.
I wanna be like anne (in terms of baller & personality)
causes, she's just real cool.

oh, I kinda fell on my ankle though.
like I fell. and my foot twisted under me.
so now I'm icing it (:

right now I'm really addicted to wonder girls.
they are officially my favorite foreign language girl singer group now!
because. even though I can't understand the words XD
I like the dancing. and the tune. and the really cheesy lyrics (:

good day today. hope tmrw's good too!

nobody but you!

as you may have noticed,
I added a music player to my blog.
there's only one song though - nobody by wonder girls.
I thought of it cause of angel's status on facebook.
and it just got stuck in my head.
and reminded me of alice (my grade).
so I put it on.
if you haven't heard this song before, you've been stuck under a rock somewhere for the past school year or so >_____>

so today, I saw _____ peck ___ on the lips outside of spanish XD
kind of awkward yeah?
but I think they're a pretty nice couple (:
scored 100% on mc and +8 pts extra credit for geometry!
so even if I fail a proof, I'll still probably have a hundred or so.
ahha I offered to tutor emily liang if she helped me with basketball.
we have a deal. (:

ashley joined basketball today!
yay her (:
honestly, she's the nicest one there.
like. maybe she's not so...outgoing? but I think her 個性 is the best.
or maybe I'm just being preferential towards chinese XD
but I honestly like her the best out of the scrubs.
I pick up bad vibes from reyna sometimes. I think rachel and ann are cool with me though.
hehe I almost got in a fight with ann today ;]
just shoved her around a little.
not enough to make her fall though.

but yeah. anyways I decided to make this letter I wrote public,
just because I want to.
....if anyone in my grade reads my blog,
you're not supposed to tell anyone about it okay?
some background though:
this is a second letter. I wrote one beforehand when I was in a bad mood,
so this is me writing when I'm thinking clearer and wanting to make clear the reasons and meaning behind the first letter.
but here's my letter. (the unedited version, before I put it down on paper. so it's a little different)

Dear _____,

well I'm kinda being paranoid and freaking out about that letter I wrote you the other day. [which, I hope you read] I'm in a better mood right now, and thinking clearer btw. (: but I just wanted to let you know. I don't expect anything to change just because of the letter? it was just a flat-out statement, saying,
"hey, I acknowledge that this stuff is going on. I'm just going to lay it out in the open and let you know what I feel about it. because I want you to know that this stuff is affecting me."
and why is it affecting me? it's just a friendship. people make and lose them all the time. but I still remember that one time you stood up for me in your own way to _______, saying that she had no right to judge me like that. little things like that are touching, and they really make a difference. but that was way back when! and things are different now. but I guess, I can't really let go of the shadow of the relationship that once was.
okay, that's it! :D might've sounded stupid/unnecessary. but it was just bothering me. and now I'm done.
-emilyyang.

right now, we're still not on speaking terms.
I want that to change.
and I hope it will soon.

24 years of wisdom.

first off,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHARON :D
but imuna miss you a bunch now. 'specially cause you're gonna be staying in taiwan for at least another three years =/

anyways!
I have another person to add to my list of favorite actresses!
selma blair :D
she reminds me of ms. collins ahahaha
I don't know why. but she does.
anyways I like her (:

today steph and catherine came over again!
it's fun chilling with them. they're cool people.
just to be able to chill with anyone outside of school is tight!
always makes my day ^^
it's a chance to get to know them outside of school-related work
and talking about homework and test questions and stuff.
lol they were in my room for the longest time looking at who knows what XD
everyone is always fascinated by my bunkbed. ahahahha
steph saw one of those children's devotional books in my room
(the kind with days)
and so she flipped to march 7 right? cause it's her birthday
....turns out there's gonna be trouble coming! LOL
and she was like. awwww :[
pretty funny mannn (:

anyways I just finished watching legally blonde, and imuna watch legally blonde 2 after I watch jumper with my mom .
I hope my dad finished recording it this time :P

days

I remembered something else that happened on friday that I wanted to talk about!
so like in the morning, there was this group of scrubs standing in the middle of the hallway.
like taking up the whole space.
and that's seriously ridiculous, right?
so since they were the baller girls and I knew them (or at least rachel and reyna)
I decided to talk to them.
and I said,
yo, don't take up the whole hallway! can't stand in the middle man. gotta move!
then they were like,
this is our special space. we stand here every morning.
so then I said,
......*push reyna*

and I couldn't freaking move her man. pushing as hard as I could!
at least I made her push back to keep from falling.
but UGH. just made myself look weak.
those scrubs. I love you guys, but you gotta know when you guys are being jerks and to stop being jerks.
and to listen to older people who demand your attention and respect.
and to use common sense >_____>
I heard that they only listen to the teachers.
and I guess it's true.

well, today was pretty fun though (:
steph and catherine came over!
to work on brannen project,
WHICH I helped on. yes I did :D
hehehe they're cool people.
I enjoy chilling with them.
made my day today!

run -> crash?

BAH!
so I just came back from fecc
thank you phoebe for giving me a ride!
saw lots of people there!
pleased that aprille remembered me (:
keilani was there too! interesting, no?
saw jocelyn and jenny dai and charissa.
and of course, kelsey.
best for last, fool. XD
jk. PWAHAHHAHA

anyways the banana olympics were pretty fun.
like leapfrogging over the whole team and passing the banana.
(it gets really gross at the end)
and obstacle courses
and running around a chair.
I knocked this girl down, kinda.
I ran into her real hard. and then. she looked like she was gonna cry.
and left the game.
I apologized later though! but. I still feel bad =/
I musta hit her real hard though, cause my shoulder hurt a bit after.
whatever.
I said sorry! it was an accident. I'm not going to 0verthink it anymore.
but yeah it was real fun overall. met ronnie? and kelsey's guy friends.
and her ___. XD

basketball practice #1

before I get started,
I just wanted to say that yesterday I had a dream about beating people up.
it was part of a hoc vs. otrip game, I think.
and I was punching this one girl but my punches didn't seem to have any effect >____>
whatever it was pretty fun punching people to actually do harm.

anyways! went to practice today :D
and so far on the team there's:
rachel, allyson, ann, monina, reyna, alyssa, me, priyanka.
and....I'm not the suckiest one YAY
it's kind of weird having priyanka there.
because she was all like yeah I'm more sporty this year.
but you're still not that good, sorry.
anyways they're pretty nice kids, those scrubs.
christine helped out today ^^
and! I think I'll get along well with most all the scrubs.
just not alyssa. she's so....stuck-up/snobby-ish.
hopefully that's just first impression and she'll change.
everyone else is nice.
haha during practice, when we were listening for directions
I looked down. and my legs were shaking XD
that hasn't happened since xc practice.
man, I'm so out of shape.

OH YEAH!
we were taking bets in geometry.
winner gets to punch everyone else twice.
james yun said two months,
andrew ro said november next year,
isaac said end of the year,
I said during the summer,
emily liang said end of sophomore year.

talked about cats too with mylan.
about roles and stuff.
good job maria. yay for grizabella!

crash.!

GAH my computer suddenly died.
I look at the computer. it's on.
I look down.
I look at the computer. it's off.
and no, I didn't kick the cord.
everything's plugged in. the power source is on.
it just died >_____>

okay well. the other day I went to auntie paulynne to get my hand checked out
and yes, it's broken/fractured (:
it'll heal in about a month, she said. I have the power of youth on my side XD
finished the majority of my homework except for spanish poem.
I don't get it ahahha.
ermmm. oh yeah! retreat was pretty darn awesome.
met ruth chu! (finally lol) and also saw cat again (:

and this thing happened on friday.
you know like, when you open doors for people?
just to be nice. so we were walking in from pe
and, I guess out of instinct/trying to act natural because I do this for all the girls I know
I opened the door for her and let her walk in ahead of me.
smiled too.
then. she seemed like she was about to say something. actually started to say something.
but evidently she thought better of it or something.
and ended up just looking at the floor and not saying anything at all.
this is the point where I'm supposed to say,
HAHA IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. DON'T YOU WISH YOU STILL HAD ME AS A FRIEND. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR ACTING THIS WAY.
you didn't read that. I didn't say that. for all that you know,
my thoughts on this event remain unknown to you ;]

clair de lune

ahaha, I remember this workshop a couple years ago
where this dude played this really beautiful song
clair de lune, by debussy.
it's a spiderman song! like the part where.. well, I dunno.
but it's in there somewhere. I just know it.
anyways!
so, I've always wanted to play that song ever since I heard it.
and at that time, I thought it was a really hard song.
so since I was missing a romantic/impressionistic song for lvl 10 cm!
I asked my teacher if I could play it.
but she was like. ehhh. it's kind of easy..
and I was like O______O easy?!
but then. just now. I decided to pull out my debussy and try it.
to see if it was easy.
and it was.

HAHA I've improved in piano yay! :D

wishes

I wish..
more than anything.
more than lifee.!
more than anything.
more than the moon.
more than anything.
more than riches.
I wish..
I might undone my wrongs.
[keke the whole wish more than _____ is from into the woods. watch on youtube! it's in the beginning]
I wish to know what I did.
(okay no more singing)
but yeah, I wish that. I'd actually know what happened.
because
it's bothering me still, so much.
that I don't know why in the world we're like this now.

and it's killing me.

Agony!
Beyond power of speech,
When the one thing you want
Is the only thing out of your reach.
Agony!
Far more painful than yours,
When you don't know the things
That you've done - you can't open the doors.
Agony!
Oh, the torture they teach!
Agony! Misery! Woe! Though it's different for each.
(yay another song! :D though I changed the second one, just a bit, to match what I'm thinking.)

losses

GAHHHH I HATE HATE HATE LOSING FRIENDS.
asjfkl;eafjklz;vkjjk
especially friends that I don't know why I lost.
friends that were more than acquaintances!
real friends that stuck up for you.

I hate losing friends.
I'm picking up a bunch of bad vibes these days.

I HATE THE KOREANS TOO GAH.
no offense korean people.
you're cool.
I hate THE koreans. >_______>
okay maybe hate is a strong word.
I AVOID THE KOREANS WHENEVER I CAN.
BECAUSE I DISAGREE WITH THEM.
there, that's better (:

anyways, I finished writing my second letter yesterday.
gave it to her. and
I had to corner her. and be like. so, are you gonna take it.
and then she took it.
I also asked her if she read the letter.
she said she did. but when she said "yeah" her face was like... 臭著一張臉, as my mom would say.
it's indescribable to try and tell you guys the feeling I got from her at that time.
but yeah...
no way am I gonna get her back as a friend this year!
unless she suddenly gets a change of heart but. I don't think so!

growing

hehehehe
today! esther looked up at me, and she was like
"I think you grew taller."
and then katti was standing next to me too! and she was like
"yeah I think you grew too"
and the other day at church! lucy was like
"did you get taller"

YES I DID EVERYONE. thanks for noticing hehehee (:
yay imuna catch up to you soon yvonne! :D
also got a hair cut the other day looool.

also, my badminton scooping-birdies-from-the-ground skill is improving yay!
thanks judy (:

the punch

you know,
punching walls is really my outlet for all my emotions.
before I'd just hold it inside
and scream in my head
but this time I can do something physical
and nurse my hurt on the outside
half physical, half mental
without tearing myself up on the inside
LOL don't worry though I haven't punched any more walls since thursday.

statements

so, I wrote the letter.
I gave it to her.
I don't know what she's thinking,
I don't know if she's read it or not.
I just wanted to lay it out in the open.
a statement of acknowledgment,
that I know we've been drifting.
nothing more.
I don't expect her to read it and be like omgosh I've been such a jerk how could I have done this
I just wanted to let her know
how I feel.
and I hope she understands
that's all I wanted to say.

unspoken

I almost said this to her today,
but didn't, because if I did
I feel as if either
a)I'd have ruined all chances I had of putting our friendship back together. or
b)we'd start over and I'd have her back as my friend again.
it's too big of a risk but what I wanted to say was,

"hey, to be honest, I don't want to lose you as a friend. because seriously, I really do miss talking to you. way back then when we used to vent and talk about the same sort of stuff, and laugh at and with each other at the stupid things we did. now, it's so awkward. and you know yesterday, when I said 'you seem so indifferent about this.' and you just nodded. why are you like this now? because, the person I made friends with cared about what happened in her relationships with other people. that person was someone real. but you? you're not her. you're not alice lee. you're someone totally different, someone who's become influenced wrongly, and as a result, changed into a whole other person. this isn't the person I befriended. and if you continue on this path, continue to become more and more exclusive. maybe I don't want to be friends with you anymore. I miss the old you."

I don't have the courage to say that kind of stuff to her face though.
I mean, I probably would try. but I just don't know how to start talking.
and then I'd probably start crying because I feel really strongly about this stuff.
or she might start crying because I have a knack for making others cry with my words.
that's how I feel about this though.
and I miss her, I really do.


WELLL.
that was the serious part.
I'm not that sad of a person normally (:
but hehe, today we had new companeros!
and me and katti ended up picking each other 3 times shhhh.
kekeke (:
some intense badminton playing during pe today.
everyone was scared of me when I hit overhand XD
oh and! I learned how to scoop the birdie out of midair
so it lands on my racket nicely.
I can probably do it 1/5 of the time.
but now I feel so accomplished yay! :D

influences

EFF.
I just feel so upset right now.
I hate the korean exclusive mean girl clique.
they influenced my friend,
and now she doesn't even care about our friendship.

you know what?
I may say that
I don't care about you anymore either.
but the truth of the matter is
it tears me apart that you're so distant.
and I wish we could become closer again,
but relationships have to have effort put in from both parties
because if you don't both care about it,
it's never going to work.
and. GOD I'm just so upset.

I messed up my knuckle again.
I hope you're satisfied now.

should I?

I hate it when I drift from my old friends.
and I especially hate it when they drift purposefully,
and not by what they would have originally done.
it's because their friends have influenced them to think otherwise,
and as a result they grow really distant.
then, I want to confront them about it.
but I'm scared to because I don't know what will happen.
and I don't think they'll give me a straight answer either.

on a side note, my stomach feels really really bad right now.
as in I'm regurgitating most everything I eat.
(regurgitate is pretty much vomit but not digested)
I ate something bad I think.

my knuckle is acting really weird too.
for those of you I haven't shown it to yet, ask tmrw.
it's most def not normal.
I'll get it checked out sometime soon, okay?
so don't worry.

GAH IMUNA GO REGURGITATE AGAIN.

homecoming

well,
I"m back from DC.
and it was pretty tight,
with bonding and all.
could've been better (just the rooms)
but it was real fun.

and my hands hurt, so I"ll stop here.
see you guys tmrw? (: