unspoken

I almost said this to her today,
but didn't, because if I did
I feel as if either
a)I'd have ruined all chances I had of putting our friendship back together. or
b)we'd start over and I'd have her back as my friend again.
it's too big of a risk but what I wanted to say was,

"hey, to be honest, I don't want to lose you as a friend. because seriously, I really do miss talking to you. way back then when we used to vent and talk about the same sort of stuff, and laugh at and with each other at the stupid things we did. now, it's so awkward. and you know yesterday, when I said 'you seem so indifferent about this.' and you just nodded. why are you like this now? because, the person I made friends with cared about what happened in her relationships with other people. that person was someone real. but you? you're not her. you're not alice lee. you're someone totally different, someone who's become influenced wrongly, and as a result, changed into a whole other person. this isn't the person I befriended. and if you continue on this path, continue to become more and more exclusive. maybe I don't want to be friends with you anymore. I miss the old you."

I don't have the courage to say that kind of stuff to her face though.
I mean, I probably would try. but I just don't know how to start talking.
and then I'd probably start crying because I feel really strongly about this stuff.
or she might start crying because I have a knack for making others cry with my words.
that's how I feel about this though.
and I miss her, I really do.


WELLL.
that was the serious part.
I'm not that sad of a person normally (:
but hehe, today we had new companeros!
and me and katti ended up picking each other 3 times shhhh.
kekeke (:
some intense badminton playing during pe today.
everyone was scared of me when I hit overhand XD
oh and! I learned how to scoop the birdie out of midair
so it lands on my racket nicely.
I can probably do it 1/5 of the time.
but now I feel so accomplished yay! :D